Book To Read
Chapter 24
I open the door.
I look back. He is still looking at me, but as soon as I look directly into his eyes, he turns and goes to sit on the bed with his back to me.
I wish I could go back in time now and erase everything wrong I’ve done, but unfortunately, I can’t do that.
As I close the door to his room, I stand with my back to the door for a few seconds, and with my eyes closed, I take a deep breath and realize that this is happening. I am losing everything, my life is in chaos and it is all my fault.
I take another deep breath and head for the exit. Megan is still in the kitchen and looks at me, but says nothing. And I wonder why she is here? Did Matt call her?
Before I open the door, I glance again at his bedroom door, hoping that he will come after me, but I realize that it would be stupid of me to imagine. It’s not going to happen.
I open the door and just as I am about to leave, I see Megan heading in the direction of his room.
…
I call a cab to go to my apartment and get the hell out of here because I just want to go upstairs again and try to convince Matt one more time to forgive me, but I know I have to give him a break now and hope he wants to talk to me one more time.
On the way back home, I wouldn’t know how to describe what I am feeling, it is a mixture of sadness with hate, and the hate I know exactly who I am feeling for.
Besides the fact that I cried almost the whole way and tried to disguise it when the taxi driver looked at me through the mirror when I get home I collapse and it happens as soon as I close the door behind me.
”It was all so good, everything was so perfect and… Now…”
As I say this out loud to myself, I cry even more, because I realize that there is no turning back now.
I know that I deserve this, I deserve to cry every tear that I am crying because it is all my fault.
I don’t know what I was thinking when I didn’t think about the possibilities of when Matt finds out about this. I guess I never really thought about how it would hurt him. Now I know and it was far worse than anything I had ever imagined in this life. I hurt in the worst way the person who did nothing but the best for my life.
I take a glass of water to try to calm myself and think about what to do.
But I always knew what to do from the time Matt told me that “he couldn’t have made all that up”.
I don’t have his number, but I have Kyle’s. So I do what I have to do:
”Hey Kyle, can you tell me where I can find Yan?”
As soon as Kylie told me that Yan was at the skate park, I rushed over. He also told me that Matt and Yan had a fight earlier today and that he brought his stuff into a room here.
Max is a little freaked out to see me, well, who wouldn’t be? I look terrible, my eyes are red and puffy, my hair I have no idea what it looks like, and the sleeves of my shirt are all wet because I don’t care much about that at the moment.
Max and I are not the best friends in the world and that’s pretty obvious now with this awkward silence while I wait for him to tell me where Yan is.
He just says as soon as I ask:
”He’s in a back room over there.”
He points me in the direction and I follow him there.
God, I want to finish that guy off right now. I feel like if I tell him everything I want, it will somehow make me more relieved to get rid of him once and for all and try to win Matt back.
Matt…
Thinking about him and how he’s feeling only makes me hate myself even more and my hate reminds me that I’m like this because of Yan. It’s all his fault.
I want to start crying again, but I take a deep breath. I can’t burst into tears right now, I just have to understand why he did it first.
I have everything ready in my mind, I want to ask him why he destroyed my life this way and what he might have gained from it all.
I stare for a while at the door at the end of the hall.
I want to take him by surprise, I don’t want him to have the time to invent anything to try to convince me that he doesn’t even have a heart, because now I am sure that he doesn’t. Then I walk to the door at the end of the hall.
So I walk to the door at the end of the hall and open it without knocking. I am ready to ask him what the fuck he just did:
”Yan, I just want… Shit!”
Yan is standing in the middle of the room without any clothes on.
I swallow hard.
He is standing in the middle of the room, finishing wiping his face with a towel.
He just looks at me surprised. I don’t think he expected me here.
My eyes go down slowly. I stop breathing for a moment.
Damn it, this didn’t start the way I expected.
I turn instinctively to the door.
”Sky? What are you doing here?”
I bite my lips. I’m still red and not sure why, at least he can’t see this now. I take a deep breath because I’m always doing that when I’m around him.
”We need to talk.”
”Okay, but…”
I interrupt:
”Can you get dressed first?”
There’s silence for a moment, then he says:
”Okay.”
A while later I question:
”Ready?”
I hear him take a deep breath and say:
”Ready.”
I turn around. I stare at him for a while. I look right at the part where it’s not covered. And I say:
”Can you put a shirt on too?”
He frowns.
I complete:
”Please.”
He takes a deep breath and grabs a shirt from the bed.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .
Why the hell haven’t I started saying everything I want to say yet?
I don’t know.
He comes toward me and asks:
”How did you find me here?”
I pluck up courage:
”Why did you do it? Why did you end my life?”
He stops, especially when he sees my tears start to fall.
”What’s it like?”
“Yep.”
I go up to him, pointing my finger:
”Why did you have to ruin everything? Matt hates me now!”
He doesn’t say anything, just looks at me scared. My hatred only increases. I start pushing him away with my hands and punching him in his arms and chest.
Tears come streaming down my face and I throw even harder punches, which I know don’t do much damage to his body. He just tells me amidst my screams:
”Sky, Sky… Stop please, calm down!”
But I don’t want to calm down.
”How could you do this?”
I cry even more. But he holds me tight in a hug that makes me cry even harder, as I feel my strength drain away.