The Soldier Next Door

It has been just another great and rather emotionally draining battle, and the only comfort I sought was the voice of the woman that I dearly love. But then…

“There is something that I need to tell you, soldier.”

“What is wrong boo?”

I hear her go silent for a few minutes that are too uncomfortably long and I immediately know that something has happened.

“Fuck, boo. Is it the baby?”

“No soldier, the baby is fine. I… Well, I met someone, a guy, I met him here on base.”

“A guy? So you made friends with a guy on base?”

“Yes, I bumped into him when I went shopping. And, we have been out on lunch twice now.”

“Okay, and?”

“Well, he has sort of been over to our place once.”

“What the fuck is the man doing at our house, Ana?”

“He is a friend, Ethan.”

“Well, you are heading somewhere so just get to your point.”

“Soldier, I don’t know what happened, but he, well, we…we kissed”

“You. Fucking. Did. What?”

“Soldier.”

“Do not soldier me!”

With that my phone finds its way across the ops tent to the very far side corner.

I am such a fucking fool to believe, to keep on believing that something with Ana will work?

Bullshit! It never will.

Once again, I need to remind myself, I cannot trust the fucking woman!

Guess it was failed from the start, yes it was a thrilling ride, but I need to stop for one moment and take a step back, for, beyond all the craziness that filled our lives, I need to allow myself to remember why I did not want to get involved. What made it all worthwhile was having her in my arms. I always thought that I have no purpose if I did not have her presence in my life. With Ana, I needed to prove myself as the man I wish she would desire. Guess I have failed myself, not even to mention her as well.

Ya…I am soft.

But to have beauty in your life is easy, to have the beauty of the woman that you love and the one that loves you in return is the greatest gift that one can experience. I can, with all honesty, say that there is no doubt that she did complete my life. To be lonely for eternity can be seen as a life sentence, but having what you crave, is the greatest blessing.

Well is that just not a bunch of Bullshit!

I was never more assured that she would be mine. Guess once again; I need to remind myself that I am so out of her league. I promised her my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future. And what do I get? I committed myself to love her. I knew that our love was heaven-sent, and I promised her that I shall be there forever and always. My heart was her shelter, and my arms were her home. Well, those are just the words of a delusional man. The fact that she ever believed the shit that came from these lips goes beyond me.

But Fuck. This hurts.

The whole messed up thing is that she did not only live in her own body; she lived in mine too. We were part of each other; we were one. I can still hear her footsteps in the passageways of my heart. Her voice echoes through my veins. I can see her face in the mirrors of my memories. She has engraved herself deep into my soul. She will forever be a part of me. But that is where the memory ends, I might love Ana, but there is a bigger part of me that does not want to be with her.

Ya… It is easier said than done.

For who knew that she would have stolen my heart the way that she did? That she would look up and smile at me, that she stopped me from running away, stop making me exit and stay. Would I ever go back to her if she asks me to?

No fucking way.

What she brings to my life laid like the beautiful colors of a perfect autumn in my soul. But yet she also brings the color of gloom. She has made me change in so many ways; I lived with myself for so long that I did not know that I could be a better man. But yet she accepted me the way I was; it scared me that she gave up everything to be with a man like me. She took my loneliness away and vowed to spend her life with me. Well, once again, that is just a load of shit that came from my mouth again.

The less I see a woman, the far greater it would be, ya…Ana has ruined me. Guess when I said she would be my undoing, I should have made it clear, for she has brought me down to my knees. Not in the way I wish it would be.

Why the fuck did she had to go kiss another man!

So that was the length of my relationship with Ana Jenkins.

As for me, well fuck! there goes my heart…again.

So as I wallow in my own self-pity, my phone starts to light up.

Ana Jenkins.

Well, what do I do now? Answer and tell her to leave me alone? Or do I hope she gets the message if I ignore her?

Well, let us try the ignore part first.

The phone goes silent for a few brief seconds before it persistently starts to light up again. Now is this girl going to flood my inbox with a million messages saying how sorry she is? Do I even care if she is sorry? Well, let us ignore her for another few seconds and then decide how I feel about that.

Fuck…I am pissed.

Then as I thought, my damn phone starts lighting up again. Now, this girl is persistent or just eager to tell me a bunch of lies again. What could possibly be next? Oh, fuck! I had sex with him. Hey, the woman has already stung me deeply; I guess there is not any deeper than it can get.

Ya…Let us answer and she what little princess wants.

“What do you want Ana.”

“Soldier, please just listen to me.”

“First of all, I said don’t call me soldier, and second, what can I listen to that can possibly be worse than what you have already told me. Or should I even not ask?”

“It was only a kiss.”

“Well, should I even dare to ask what type of kiss? Or is it best to leave my heart in quiet misery?”

“Soldier, please.”

“Oh, god, do I need to refresh your memory, it is not soldier! Or has his kisses rendered you completely drunk?”

“It was only…”Exclusive content from NôvelDrama.Org.

“Stop, I do not want to hear.”

Then from the other side, I hear her start to tremble as the words seem to become heavy from her heart. Well, there is just one thing I can say…That shit does not sit well with me.

She can cry as long and as hard as she desires, now my only question is, “Why did you phone?”

“Please, I am sorry. Please tell me that it is not over between us now?”

“Fuck! Did you just hear what you said? Do you think I for one second that I will stay with you after you have done something like that?”

“Ethan, why are you so mean to me?”

“Ana, why did you break my heart?”

There is no word spoken from her side. Ya…did not think she would have an answer for that. Guess the love I thought we had was just an illusion of a delusional man.

A delusional man that is about to put the phone down in her ear, “Ana, please, do not hurt me even more than you already have. But can I tell you one fucked up thing? I still love your ass. And I can tell you this, even if it takes me forever, I will get over you.”

With that, the phone finds its way smack bang right into the trash.

I am just a nobody Marine that thought he could get a woman that was never his from the start.

It fucking hurts.

And as I am sitting here, I can hear my phone vibrating in the bin. Should I get up? Should I stay here?

Fuck that.

Nice going Ethan, now you are scratching in the trash.

The moment I see the screen… Ana Jenkins… my damn heart gives in.

“Yes, Ana.”

“Ethan, I love you.”

Well, that only took five minutes to form three words.

“I love you too Ana, but our love is not enough for me to come back. You hurt me like a bitch and I don’t think I am going to be in one piece very soon again.”

“But Ethan, please. You know…”

“No, I don’t know. And I do not want to know.”

And just as I think my words will be enough to hurt her, she continues forward, “Please give us another chance?”