CHAPTER 85: OBSTACLES TO FACE
CHAPTER 85: OBSTACLES TO FACE
LEV’S POV:
Galina was so close and I couldn’t control myself, I slammed my lips with hers, tasting every bit of her. God I miss her lips! It was still as soft and savory as before.
She struggled to break free from my grip and she did, she suddenly pushed me and I knew what comes next, she hit me across the face, twice.
“I deserve that”, I said while nodding.
I raised my head to look at her and her tears flow down her cheeks. The look in her eyes were saying so many things, she was hurt, angry, sad and a lot more, it was all my fault.
“HOW DARE YOU?! You have no right Lev, no right!”, She sparked. She was right, what audacity did I have to shut her out and then come back to kiss her?.
I moved a bit away from her to give her some space.
“You are right… and I’m sorry”, I admitted and I clenched my teeth. I felt like punching myself for hurting Galina, she doesn’t deserve what I have put her through.
I walked to the door and she moved away, trying to avoid me and I sighed. I was only going to leave.
I opened the door to leave but Galina pushed it close.
“NO! You don’t get to run away again! You have a lot of explaining to do Lev!”, She yelled, looking at me with tears in her eyes.
I know what she’s talking about, I never gave her any explanation years ago till now and she won’t drop it. Fuck! She’s always right.
“Why? why did you hurt me in such a way? We had sex and you just left me there and then the next day, it was as if I never existed, like nothing happened between us… that didn’t play well on my esteem. You had me wondering if I did something wrong or if I wasn’t enough or just– just some one night stand to you”, She explained with sincerity and the guilt continue consuming me.
“You were never a one night stand to me Galina–“.
“Then what happened?! Speak!”, She yelled, she was vibrating with anger and tears.
‘What is this feeling in my chest?’, I asked myself as I felt something building up inside of me, it was something strange and new.
“I– Galina it- it doesn’t matter now… I should just be on my way–“.
I stuttered! I was fucking stuttering! I had so many things to say to her but I couldn’t find the courage to. I didn’t want to raise her hope when I wasn’t ready but I also don’t want to leave her hanging, I had to choose the easy way out… run away, like I always do.
“NO! You are going nowhere!”, Galina got in between me and the door, her hands stretched out still demanding for answers or explanations.
“Move Galina”.
“No Lev, you are not leaving without clearing things up… not again”, She said.
“Gali–”
“Nope”, She interrupted me, shaking her head.
“Please, don’t do this”, I pleaded with her.
“WHY?! Do you hate me that much?!–“.
“That’s not it Galina”.
“Then I must have done something you can’t stand–“, She kept on guessing in between my words.
“Wait, I–“, I tried to say something but she wouldn’t let me.
“Did I do something wrong? What is it?”, She wasn’t listening to me.
“You didn’t do anything”.
“Then tell me! What is it?!!”, She demanded.
“I LOVE YOU! Okay!”.
Everything went quiet and that was when I realized I just blurted out my feelings to her.
Galina’s eyes went wide with shock and I hands dropped to her side. I felt like I had jumped off a cliff, my heart racing. ‘What have I done?!’
“Wha-what?”, Galina asked in shock. I sighed and felt like punching myself, this was something I didn’t want anyone to hear, especially her. I wanted to so much bury it deep inside my guts not because I was ashamed of loving her, but because I was scared.
Scared that she would want more and I couldn’t give her that, I don’t want a relationship, I wasn’t ready for commitment especially with her, the Vladimir princess. She was too perfect and precious to be with someone like me, a mere killer.
“You love me?”, Her voice come up again when I didn’t respond. I sighed because I know it was too late to take back my words. I should tell her how I feel, even though I might regret it.
“Since we were kids, since the first time I saw you Galina. You’re the reason my heart has been acting like a drunken fool, I burn for you Galina… You are the- uh– the reason I can’t think straight… I love you with the deepest of my heart”, I confessed.
I felt so relieved after confessing, it was like everything became lighter and brighter. I suddenly do not care what will happen after.
“Why didn’t you tell me? why did you keep running away?”, Galina asked with the softest of tone.
“I was foolish and… scared”, I sighed and replied. She moved closer to me and looked straight into my eyes.
“Scared of what?”, She asked.
Since the cat was out of the box, I decided to tell her everything, no more secrets.
I went over to sit at the sofa and she followed behind, sitting on the bed.
“I was afraid of not being enough for you Galina, that I was not up to your standard. You– you are perfect and kind and sweet… and I’m just a– I’m not from an elite family”, I explained, avoiding any eye contact with her.
“That’s not true–“.
“It is!”, I cut her off as I don’t want her to pity me or use kind words with me, “… and you know it. No matter how much you try to twist or tell it, I’m not one of you, I’m not from old money, I’m not famous or influential”, I said and sighed.
“Why does all that have to matter? I chose you and I was very aware of who you are and your background… why then are you holding back?”, Galina asked, she came to sit with me on the sofa.
Lord was she beautiful! Being this up close to her was making my heart flutter which was strange. I turned to face her, gazing at her gorgeous features.
“The reason for me leaving you that night after– uhm… after what transpired between us was this same fear I’m feeling. I left that night because I know it was impossible for us to be together, your father would object to it and Roman would have my head… Then I thought avoiding you will make me forget about you but it made things worse, I only craved for you more, about the night we spent together”, I said.
“Then you should have told me instead of leaving me hanging, I deserved some explanation Lev”, Galina said.
“I know, I know. It was foolish of me and I won’t make any excuses… but seeing you at that ball last night and dancing with those guys made me want to punch the wall”, I uttered and she giggled making me smile.
“I did that to get your attention”, She said.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.
“You had my attention when you come in wearing that beautiful dress”, I confessed and she smiled, biting her bottom lip and I swallowed hard, looking away. I had to if not I won’t be able to hold back.
We became silent, just listening to each other’s breathing not in an awkward way but more peaceful.
“It’s getting bright outside– you should go”, Galina was the first to break the silence and I looked around, noticing it was true. I checked the clock and it was a few minutes to 6am.
“Uh yeah– I better start going”, I said and stood up to leave. The maids should be up already and I can’t risk anyone knowing I spent the night here. Galina smiled at me.
‘Fuck it!’, I said in my head, giving in to my intrusive thoughts and going over to kiss Galina. Before she could decipher what was going on, I had already slammed my lips to hers, tasting every bit of her. After a few seconds she eased up and kissed me back.
I could still taste a bit of the alcohol from last night and it made me hot, I broke the kiss and growled, trying to calm myself before I ask for me.
We were both panting and I kissed her cheek lightly before going.
I have to admit, I can not remember the last time I was this happy and feeling light, I was suddenly not afraid to be with Galina, I was ready to be committed to Galina and her alone.
‘But you are forgetting about her father and oldest brother’, something in my head said and I sighed.
That was an obstacle I was ready to face.