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Chapter 50
Chapter 50
Back in the dining hall, Lucianne continued putting on a smile to ensure those around her that she was okay. But only Xandar and Juan could see that she was merely putting up a brave front.
Juan didn’t bring up what he knew. Neither he nor Lucianne were comfortable breaking down in public. He hoped to mind-link her later that night, away from the crowd, just to make sure that she was okay. Lucianne was well aware that her brother-like figure saw right through her. And why wouldn’t he? He had known her forever.
Xandar noticed that his mate was avoiding his gaze, and when he held her hand, her fingers didn’t respond as how they normally would. His consistently-whimpering animal wanted his human part to hold her and speak to her, to keep assuring her of his love for her. But his human part felt that his uncontrolled outbursts tonight had put Lucianne through enough, and he decided against mentioning the matter until Xandar had walked her back to her room. 4
They walked back to the hotel in silence. Xandar was stroking Lucianne’s waist with his thumb in slow motions, watching his mate’s tired face as she got lost in her own thoughts. When they reached her door, he pulled her into a passionate kiss. Then, he looked deep into her black orbs and asked, “Can I sleep on your couch tonight?”
The doubt she tried to mask all night surfaced. She averted her eyes from his as she said in a soft and exhausted voice, “Xandar, I’m really tired. I just want to be alone tonight.”
His animal whimpered even louder as Xandar felt a pang in his heart, and he abruptly pulled her into his chest. He kissed her hair before whispering firmly but sorrowfully, “I knew you didn’t believe me. But I’m not leaving. We can both stay here right outside your door all night, or you can let me in. I’m not letting you go through this alone, Lucy. I’ll kick down the door if I have to.”
Lucianne pushed him back with the little strength she had left, and wiped away her stray tears before Xandar could. Without another word, she unlocked her door with her keycard and Xandar followed her in. She still didn’t look at him when she took some clothes from her cupboard and headed for the bathroom, locking the door behind her.
As tempting as it was to cry in the shower, she restrained herself from doing so, knowing full well that Xandar’s Lycan hearing would catch her sobs and sniffles. After cleaning herself up, she opened the door and Xandar, who was right outside, pulled her into another hug. He kissed her forehead before lifting her body off the floor, carrying her to the bed.
The fact that she was still avoiding his gaze even when he held her in his arms made Xandar’s heart flare in agonizing anguish, so much so that he would have given in to his weakened legs if he weren’t carrying his beautiful mate.
He placed Lucianne in a sitting position, her back against the headrest and her legs
underneath the covers. Then, he sat cautiously by her side. His fingers reached for her chin to gently lift up her face, making their eyes lock as he uttered, “Lucy, I have never loved anyone the way I love you. There’s no need to be jealous, please. I’ve never seen their daughter that way, ever. I swear. The… engagement never materialized because Christian, my maternal grandfather and I myself fought against it. The only time she and I…went out was because my parents and hers set it up. I was told that I was going to meet my aunt, only to have Kylton’s daughter walk through the door. I left the restaurant as soon as I found out what was happening. Nothing ever happened between us, Lucy. Please, you have to believe me. You have to know that. There really is nothing to be jealous about, baby, please.”
“I’m not jealous.” Lucianne snapped in a whisper. “Jealousy requires rage. After five mate bonds, I’ve practically given up on getting enraged over something like this. I wasn’t lying to the Kyltons back there. Jealousy doesn’t affect me anymore. Mate number four was good practice for me. I won’t fight someone just to keep someone else, Xandar. I’ve grown tired of doing that a long time ago.”
Her tears were already threatening to flow out. She then pressed her lips together before she sighed heavily to steady herself. Only then she continued to speak, “But somehow, I never got used to feeling… unworthy, and feeling…the insecurity that comes with it. When the Kyltons mentioned how you were almost …engaged, it just…triggered those emotions again.”
Xandar kissed her forehead and held her close as he uttered, “The purported engagement was devoid of any consent from my part, Lucy. It never happened. I made sure that it didn’t happen.” He kissed her hair and held her tighter, “And you’re anything but unworthy, Lucy. Through your words and actions, you show everyone over and over again how special and priceless you are. You do so much for everyone. You touch lives like no one we‘ve ever seen. You defend the vulnerable, call out the incompetents and restrain the reckless. And you do these things with so much grace and composure. Lucy, you’re a living, breathing masterpiece of our Goddess. We can’t lose you. I can’t lose you.”
She parted their bodies and forced a meek smile, which made Xandar feel more wounded. She still didn’t believe him. Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.
In her soft voice, she said, “I know I play a role to a certain extent but…on my worst days, I just feel that…I’m not doing enough, that I am not enough. Sometimes, the feelings are self triggered and other times something around me happens and I just…feel lack again. Tonight i s just one of those days.”
She continued to fight her tears as she said incoherently, “I’m…not doubting you…Xandar. How I… behaved with you after…what happened tonight…had nothing to do…with you. This is just…an emotional phase that I have to…get through….I’ve done it before. I just need time. I just need to be… sad…by myself…for a while. I’ll be fine after that, I promise.”