Stronger

It felt like a dream a bit. Knowing this was the last day your home was your home. The feeling was not something natural. I felt hyper aware of the time going by.

Ella had come over after breakfast and we had started packing my clothes. My mother and Cea helped as well.

I kept stopping and looking around remembering forgotten moments of my childhood. Mornings before school, studying, sleepovers, dancing around, playing pretend. It felt like it had all happened in a split second.

Now I was supposed to pack all of it up and move myself across countries to live a life that always seemed like a far off island waiting for me.

What do you do when someday arrives?

1

“Anna remember you’ll get plenty of clothes there so don’t pack everything,”

I sighed looking at my hoard of clothes and decided she may possibly be right.

I started sifting through my shirts deciding what I would like and what I would not. In truth I was ill prepared for the cold of Canada but I was excited all the same.

I decided to leave a good portion of my summer clothes for donation and I took all of my warm clothes. The two pairs of jeans that I had.

“A lot of the women on our land wear skirts during winter because the harvest is over, it’s like wearing a blanket,” Ella told me.

“I suppose I’ll have to learn to make some,”

“You’ll want some sweaters too. And some long underwear if you ever go out for a winter hunt. Alpha loves to ice fish and snowmobile as well so I suggest we order you some,” Ella recommended.

1

It was nice that she was here. It helped me to have someone to teach me about the new life I would have. Grayson was too busy or distracted to do so.

I looked around my room as this surge of doubt entered me. It felt like a wave washing up inside my b*dy.

Should I leave my home for him? He had barely spoken to me. I had to force him to go to dinner.

I knew that this was going to be difficult. I could feel the wall of a challenge rising in front of me. Was I ready for this when I had no idea it would be worth it?

I had no clue what was holding him back, I had no clue if he saw me as a mistake. Should I leave all of this for a risk that would shatter me?

And if I stayed? I would never know.

I shoved a lot of my clothes into garbage bags for donation. His pack did make clothes so I shouldn’t bring too much

anyways.

“Anna before I forget what color silk do you want for your binding dress?” my mother asked me and the whole room stopped.

I did not look at all for fear she’d tell me he would never bind to me.

“Navy blue,” I mumbled

“With your hair and eyes that’ll be perfect. You’re tan right now too so I know you’ll look amazing in it,” Ella exclaimed.

My nerves calmed a little at her comment.

He wasn’t against binding to me for all his people know. Matt said that he takes advice from his people so this is a good thing.

I folded the clothes I was keeping and began putting them in boxes and set aside some for the trip.

Then I looked at the unholy amount of books.

This is gonna take a while.

“Do you really have to bring them all?” Cea whined next to me flopping onto my bed.

“I am not leaving without them,” I sternly replied.

If I was going to go through this I needed a place of escape. Reading never failed to take me to whoever I wanted to go.

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“What’s this?” Cea picked up the ring box.

“Nothing!” I tumbled over boxes and furniture to get to her and stop her from opening it but to no avail.

“Oh! My! GODDESS!” Her squeal pierced the air and my eardrum. “What on earth is this! Oh, it is so beautiful! How have I not seen this!”

She pected, pulling out the large ice blue sapphire ring that had a halo of diamonds around it on a white gold interwoven band.

She moved so that the ring could dazzle in the sunlight of the open window.

“Wow,” my mother gasped taking the ring from Cea. “It’s gorgeous, when did he give you this? Is it from him?”

She looked over at me so confused as to why no one had seen it.

In truth, if I had known Grayson was my mate I would have worn it with pride, but I hadn’t, and I didn’t fully trust the mystery be was

I had kept it a secret because I was wary of gifts from a man who hadn’t shown his face. Now it was still in the box because it felt wrong to wear a ring when he wasn’t talking to me and he was almost avoiding me.

I couldn’t bring myself to put it on when I felt this valley between us swelling every day.

“Our former Luna Amaria selected it for you at Grayson’s request,” Ella walked over and admired it. “She has exquisite taste.”

“Anna” my mother looked at me again.

“It feels sudden to wear a ring like that. I don’t know him but that is a claim on me,” I gave her a half- truth so my doubts weren’t exposed to his pack member.

She put it back in the box. I understand. Your father didn’t give me my ring until three years into our marriage. For humans, this came after getting to know one another but for us, it comes before…and you my pup see it as the promise it is,” she hugged me tightly and I found myself desperate for her embrace.

“When Theo gave me my ring he’d let me pick it out with him,” Cea showed off her ring to Ella.

It was a marquise-cut ruby with two pear-shaped diamonds on the side on a gold band in a cathedral setting.

Rings were important in a mate’s relationship when a couple gifted rings it meant they were forever bonded in this life and the afterlife.

When he’d gifted me a ring before ever even meeting me it was a way for him to show his serious intent for us.

Now it felt cheap.

He had found me his soulmate and he wasn’t even talking to me.

We were bound by the goddess at creation and it felt like he didn’t care.

Tears began pricking my eyes.

No. I can’t I cannot cry. This is not my dream romance but nothing ever goes as it does in your head. I will not be mad at him for not conforming to my perfect ideal.

I went and grabbed the box from my mother and placed it in the bag I’d packed for the trip.

I will keep it safe but won’t wear it yet.

“Matt said he was worried you didn’t like it,” Ella chimed in looking at me hopefully.

“I love it.” I smiled and grabbed her hand, shaking it once for reassurance. “I just can’t wear it until I know him,” I shrugged and went over to my bookshelf and started piling in the books.

After an hour only half the books were packed and with endless complaints from Cea about my hobby I suggested she break with the books and pack up some other things.

“I’ll go make us some sandwiches,” my mother excused herself.

“I don’t think it’s fair that’ll you be three thousand miles from me,” Cea sat down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder.

“It’s not that far is it?” my heart twisted at that substantial distance.

“I looked it up,”

I turned and hugged her crippled by the thought of everyday life without her comments and her flair for dark humor.

“Who am I supposed to complain to about my husband now?” she sniffled.

Cea never cried. The tears of my anxiety and uncertainties began to drip out now that the loss of my best friend was

added.

“I will always be there to listen to you,” I cried into her shoulder. “Even if it’s over the phone and I texts or letters or video chats. I’m never gonna spend a day without you,”

2

How could I leave this?

“I’m going to help Luna Eva with the food,” Ella quietly excused herself.

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After the door clicked I couldn’t help myself.

“I’m so scared, ” I gasped,

I couldn’t hold it back in this heartfelt moment. I couldn’t keep it in when I had this chance to tell her that I was terrified I was about to be so completely heartbroken.

“What? She looked at me.

“He hasn’t said anything to me. I had to force him to come to dinner. What if he doesn’t want me? I feel this desire every second to touch him, take to him, hear his needs, see him smile and he acts as though I’m a burden,” I tried not to sob but it was not possible.

2

She crushed me to her. “Shhh,” she rubbed my back “shhhh, no….No. I’m sure that that is not it. He may not be open with his feelings and he may not know how to respond to a feeling like this. You are. not. a burden,”

She leaned back and wiped my tears away and brushed my hair to the side. “I was there at the tournament. It was obvious you were soulmates. The air stopped, everyone went quiet and you two were magnetic ” she looked me in the eyes.

“I may not know what that pull feels like but I could see the power of it and that can be scary, especially to a man who has never had anything to lose. I have no doubt he feels it too. His reason for his distance I can’t tell you but I would not let you leave if I didn’t believe you’d be happy,”

I breathed in and out slowly composing myself.

Cea was right. I trusted her most in the world. Whenever life was hard or frustrating I went to her. If she had told me right now she didn’t trust him I would unpack in a heartbeat. She knew me best, she knew all my secrets and all my fears. She had been the one to hold my hand until now. If she said that she believed he felt this too I would not be afraid.

“I needed that so badly. I have to do all of this rearranging and without him giving me some form of safety to hold onto 11- I feel like I’ve been drowning,” I confided in her.

She grabbed my hands “I do not believe that someone who is destined for you could turn the other way,”

I smiled and we went to the bathroom and cleaned me up before the other girls came back.

We ate our sandwiches and finalized packing the books while Cea packed up something I wanted from around my room like photos, blankets, trinkets, my jewelry box, and my old stuffed elephant from when I was a baby.