Predilection

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Pretend. Pretend you’re asleep, breathe normal, don’t move your eyelids. Not sure how long we’d been laying in bed, his arm had draped around my waist while his chest was glued to my back. He’d felt bad after his burst out. He’d even apologised. ‘Sorry’ he had whispered to me. I knew he didn’t use that word often, I knew it took a lot of courage for him to up and apologise. Everything felt strange afterwards, he’d told me to talk to him as he lay in bed shirtless, I’d got the luxury of witnessing that after he had took the blindfold off me, instead he had tied my hands to the skinny poles scattered on the headboard of the bed. It wasn’t comfortable, in fact it was really unpleasant to try and sleep with my hands tied up but it had become something I’d grown accustomed to as I had went through it for a long time when he first brought me into this mess. I’d spoke for him, told him a story my grandma always read to me when I was young. He said he liked the sound of my voice, his voice was groggy and tired. Not long after he had fell asleep. But now, now I could feel him fiddling with the ropes that bound me to this bed. Ropes that bound me to him. He must’ve thought I was asleep, must’ve thought I was uncomfortable, little did he know, I had grown to like it like this but I couldn’t help the freedom that latched onto my soul. If I could get my hands free, I could try and sneak out of this room and search for my life behind these walls. I felt guilty for using his sudden wave of generosity to my advantage but I had to remind myself, I was nothing more than a slave to him. I was nothing to him. I lay completely still, moving an arm here and there to act like I was moving in my sleep as he freed my wrists from the tight grip of the restraints. I felt his arm wrap around my waist again then pulled me into his body. I could feel him breathing against my neck, his heart beating against my back. He was human. He was human like me, he breathed, his heart beat, so why was he so different? Why did he act like a monster, most importantly why had he become a monster? Those scars that were covering his body, I wondered if they had anything to do with how he was now. Did they cause him enough pain for him to want to see it in another? I had so many questions and no answers had been granted. I wanted to stay and learn about him yet I knew I had to go. I knew this was fatal. I’d only hurt myself if I stayed, if I didn’t take my chance I could be stuck here forever. ‘What made you think you are allowed to call me by my name? Did you think just because I make you cum every night that we are now a thing?’ . Tears welled up in my eyes as his words echoed in my head. I was a toy to him and yet I was laying here like a pathetic worthless girl trying to find reasons for me not go, not to break his trust, not to disappoint him. My heart ached, my soul bled for I had completely lost myself in the man that he was.

It’d been hours since I’d been laying here, my mind processing everything that it could process, I knew he was fast asleep, I could hear his heavy breaths. Every now and then he groaned out as if he was in pain and then he’d squeeze me against him and calm down again. I knew I had to get moving and I had to get moving now. I shifted under his heavy arm, sliding my body to the right, setting his arm on the bed. He moved a little, his arm searching for me, I held his hand in hopes of putting him at ease. I didn’t understand why he kept looking for me in his sleep. I didn’t put too much thought into it as I lifted my legs over the bed, holding my breath as I did. My eyes fell onto the door, it was halfway open, my stomach fluttered at the sight of it. I was so close to being free. My eyes frantically scanned his room, not giving myself enough time to take in the details, it was a large room, almost empty just like the rest of this place, empty; just like Master. My throat clogged up with a needy lump as I swallowed down the thoughts of him. I looked for something to wear, anything. I didn’t want to run out naked. My eyes fell onto the shirt he took off last night, a plain black shirt. I grabbed it in a rush and quietly put it on me. I looked at him once more and for the last time. His large masculine body lay motionless on the bed. Although he was asleep, he didn’t look peaceful, he looked like he was in pain, I wanted to run my fingers through his tousled hair and kiss away whatever pain he was in, I pushed back my thoughts and the tears in my eyes that threatened to spill. My heart halted as he moved, I held my breath, my heart pounding in my chest as I watched him twist his body around, he lay flat on his stomach revealing his back to me. My heart was throbbing in my chest as I witness the many scars that marked his back. For the first time, I had saw his naked back. I wanted to cry at the sight of it, there were scars scattered everywhere, a lot more than the ones that covered the front of his body, I wanted to cry for him. Wake him up and hug him, ask him what happened to him but I held myself back. If I didn’t save myself now, no one else was going to save me. I silently walked towards the door and finally let out the breath I had been holding when I was out of the room. I scanned the hallway, I hurried towards the large stairs and made my way down. It didn’t take much time for me to find the front door. When my bare feet hit the outside of the front door, my mind went on overdrive. I was free. I had escaped. A little too soon to celebrate my victory so I ran, I ran into the nothingness of the trees that surrounded me. I wasn’t sure where I was running to or where I was to begin with. I had no idea if I was still in my own country, but I ran anyways.

I’d been running for what felt like hours, my heart was pounding in my chest, I had no idea where I was or where to go from here, I slowed down taking deep breaths as I took in my surrounding, I’d ran for eternity yet I felt like I was stuck in the same place for my surrounding looked exactly the same everywhere. Trees, trees and more trees. I leaned my back against a tree trunk, my feet was hurting, I’d cut myself on something but I didn’t care, I had to keep going. The sun was rising and daylight filtered through my eyesight, I had ran in the complete darkness, the moon my only path. It felt nice to feel the breeze of the slow wind on my skin, to inhale the fresh air as the trees rustled into the silence of the day. I wanted to cherish this moment forever. I’d long forgotten how it felt to be outside, in the real world. I embraced the cool touch of air that washed over my skin and rattled my hair. I let it drown me in, take me away with the wind, for I had missed the comfort of the nature that had been stolen from me.

My comfort soon turned into a minor panic as I became more conscious of my situation. I was lost and had nothing to follow to my freedom. If I didn’t find my way out of this maze of trees anytime soon, I’d die from either hunger, thirst or a wild animal that lurked behind the beauty of the woods.