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Chapter-57. Embraced darkness
[Ezra]
Xanthea groaned, clutching her head as she struggled to recover from the impact of the realm jump. Her heartbeats turned more erratic. She glanced at me before turning her frenzied gaze outside the window as she scanned the roads of the Virgo pack for any sign of danger. Taking a tight gulp, she remained silent, her fists tightly clenched on her laps.
"Alpha..." she said, almost out of breath.
I didn't reply and kept driving.
Xanthea's hands trembled as she pressed them against the window, her breath turning into subtle gasps. She appeared more alarmed and paranoid, as though she firmly believed that her family and pack would attack her the moment they saw her.
"What's the most luxurious mall in your pack?" I asked, breaking the silence between us.
She kept peering outside the car window. I bet the voices in her mind were so loud right now; she couldn't even hear my voice. "Xanthea!"
"Huh!?" she gasped, snapping her neck in my direction.
"What's the biggest mall around?" I reiterated, lifting a brow.
"Why are we here?" she asked.
Straight to the point, huh?
"Shopping," I said.
"Are we?" she asked, staring at me..
I sighed.
"Don't you wanna know what happened to your family after the fire?" I asked with a stoic face, staring at the road ahead of me.
Stalling her breaths, she peered at me, but I could tell in one glance she was zoning out.
"No..." Her voice came out fainter than a whisper. "I don't want to know a thing about them. I-I just don't wanna go back to them. Please alpha, take me back to the Infernal pack, please..."
"But I want your family to know what happened to you. They are way too happy thinking you are dead-"
"I don't care what they think!" she raised her voice, shutting her eyes tightly. "I have been dead to them from the moment I was born. It doesn't matter what they think of me now. It's good that they think I am dead. I just don't wanna go back there. Please alpha..." My jaws clenched at her words.
I could only imagine the horrors they put her through for hell to become a better place than home. The same hell that mortals feared by their wits.Copyright by Nôv/elDrama.Org.
As we entered the city, Xanthea's restlessness intensified.
"Did I... do something wrong?" Her voice quivered with heavy pain. "Are you..." She looked at me, clutching the fabric of her dress over her thigh in her fists. Her breath was rapid and shallow. "Are you going to leave me with them?" Her heartbeats turned unbearable for me. I couldn't even imagine how she was holding up.
"It's because you don't want me to attend college, right?" she asked, suppressing a sob.
She looked confused, and the sight of her terrified expression pierced through me like a dagger.
"I won't go. I'll do anything you say, just... Please don't take me back there."
Tears streamed down her face as she begged, and I felt something snap deep within me.
"If you are worried I'll burn down this worthless pack again, then you worry for nought," I said impassively.
"No... you don't understand... I-I... you..."
I sped up the car even more. As I reached out to wipe off her tears, she flinched and my fingers stopped inches away from her face.
Withdrawing my hand, I took a deep breath. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but it was necessary. Today might just be the most important day in her life.
"Look into my eyes," I said calmly.
Shutting her eyes, she bit down on her lips.
"Look at me, Xanthea!" I growled.
She froze. Stiffening her body, she opened her eyes and looked at me.
She had tried to escape this place all her life. Just like a bird wouldn't want to return to its cage and a prisoner to his prison, she didn't want to be here.
The best or worst part of it all was, I could understand how numb she was right now mentally, how disturbed she was psychologically and how desperate she was physically to just get out of her cage.
"There was a time..." I began, ignoring the churn in my stomach doing everything it could to stop me from sharing this part of my life with her "... when I was the weakest member of my family."
All the inaudible noise and jitter in her aura came to a sudden standstill. For a moment, there was disbelief in her eyes and then sheer curiosity.
"So if you think I don't understand how you feel right now, then you are wrong. I have been through it all. I have been where you are. There is not an emotion you feel I haven't already felt. I have been unwanted, unwelcomed, an eyesore - a trash."
Her eyes widened slightly and there was a shift in the way she looked at me. Although I tried to not look at her again, I couldn't help stealing glances at her in the rear-view mirror.
I clenched the steering wheel in my fist.
I didn't want to connect to her on this level. I didn't want to reveal this part of me, but at that moment, it just felt like the right thing to do. Quickly swallowing the lump building in my throat, I continued.
"And while you never knew your mother, I knew a mother who wished I was never born, who hated..." I paused, taking a deep breath. "Who hated the mere sight of me because I was... weak. A mother for whom I was never nothing more than a burden."
I smiled, rolling my tongue across my inner cheek before I bit down on my lower lip.
"Why can't you be like your brothers? How did you turn out to be this? Why are you so worthless? Incompetent," I chuckled, repeating my mother's words exactly how they were etched on my mind. "I have been my mother's biggest failure." Xanthea looked at me as though she had gone numb by what I just said.
"And while you had a father who didn't care whether you existed or not, I had a father who made me regret every moment... of my existence..."
And just like that, the heavy suffocation hit my chest, piercing through my heart and ribs and no matter how many deep breaths I took, I couldn't breathe. But this sensation had been so normal, it had lost all its power it once had over me. "But that's not what matters. What matters is what I learned when I was below the rock bottom. Weak will always suffer, irrespective of their origin. Alpha omega doesn't matter. Kindness, smartness, purity. None of those matter." Licking my dry lips, I gulped hard.
"Mo-more than anyone else, I was ashamed of myself. I hated myself. And I thought there was nothing I could do until I realized it was only I who could help myself. Only me. So I swore to myself that I'd get stronger, no matter the price I paid, no matter how that strength corrupted my mind and soul. And I regret nothing I did to get where I am today except..."
I paused, holding back the disaster wreaking havoc within myself.
"Except I was too late." My tone lowered and my voice turned slow. "My only regret is I was too late to realize how desperately, madly, I needed this power, this strength. But there's still time for you, angel. Your kindness won't save you, but your corruption will. You'll have to pay the price, but it'll be worth it."
Xanthea let out a shuddering breath, covering her mouth with her hand as she looked away, as if it was too unbearable to even look at me.
"I know you don't realize it now, but you will need power in the coming future, especially to fight against us," I said, and her tear-filled eyes darted at me.
She peered at me blankly, breathing through her mouth.
I smiled faintly.
"Because when the time comes, you will stand against us. You have already gotten opportunities the previous brides couldn't even dream of, and it was because you were somehow so fragile, yet so strong. Mentally, mostly. But you'll need more than just your brain to survive this marriage. Your life is in your hands. Do what you may with it, but do not give it away so easily."
From the first time I saw her until now, my thoughts about her had changed a lot. And maybe Asher realized it even before I could. That's why he asked me not to get too attached to her. But from everything I just shared with her, I could no longer deny that I was.
I looked at Xanthea.
Her chest heaved faster, and she looked even more restless, as though the idea of standing against us had shaken her to the core.
But with her survival instincts, I had a feeling Xanthea would put up a fight that even we, demon lords, wouldn't have seen coming.
I knew what I was trying to do could lead to a lot of trouble for me and my brothers in the future. But just like Raven, with her, I was willing to take the risk.
"How did you... do it?" she asked. "How did you get so strong?"
"By breaking free. That is why you need to begin your journey from within by breaking the psychological shackles this pack and your family has put on you. And unfortunately, only by facing them will you be able to break free." Xanthea clenched her hands together, her nails digging into her skin.
"I know," I said. "I know the first step... is always the most painful, but trust me, it only gets better - easier. You'll have to revisit those memories and reconstruct them. And even though I'll be by your side, you'll have to do it by yourself." I parked the car in the parking lot of one of the luxury malls in the Virgo pack. The mall which survived the fire. This place was where the luna of this pack and her family shopped from.
It was nothing special. Before the malls in my pack, this looked like a playhouse. I could buy Xanthea clothes far better than what they'd have here, but nothing would match the value of these clothes. At least the psychological value. The boost this place would provide to her could not be matched by any shopping mall in the Infernal pack.
"I know the weight of anger, resentment you carry with yourself, and today, I want you to let them take over you. I hope you embrace your darkness just as tenderly as you uphold your light baby angel," I said, before getting down from the car. I ignored the panicked people running here and there.
This is what power does. It announces your arrival even before you arrive, instills fear, engraves your superiority, and earns you respect, an upper hand, in all situations.
I opened the door for Xanthea and stretched out my hand before her.
"So tell me, angel. Will you begin your journey here with me?" I asked, holding her gaze.
Xanthea slowly lifted her weary eyes to mine and then dropped her gaze to my hand.
Contemplating for a few seconds, she wiped away her tears with a forceful swipe. The subtle rage on her face and the flicker of determination in her eyes that I had yearned to see for so long finally unveiled themselves.
The rage was still wavering, and the fire was still weak, but all it needed for a wildfire was a small spark. And that has already been ignited.
Taking my hand, she stepped out of the car.
"We'll visit them, right?" she asked.
I nodded.
"What should I do?"
I smirked.
"Let's play a game. A game of heartlessness. In this game, you promise me you will not feel bad for anyone. You will not shed a single tear in front of your pathetic family. You'll just sit back and queen. Because today, you'll stand not equal, but above them... as my wife."