Never His Mate: a Rejected Mates Shifter Romance (Claws and Fangs Book 1)

At some point I’m probably going to have to go back for my Jeep.

I’m not so worried about my car right now. It’s probably safer in Accalia than I ever was, and once Ryker gets past the worst of the moon’s pull, I have no doubt in my mind that he’ll arrange for it to get back to me. For now, it can hang out in pack territory.

Me? I just want my bed.

I had to use another alpha howl to convince the four wolves—Jace, Dorian, Bobby, and… oops, I forgot to ask—to stay behind in Accalia. If I wanted a retinue of bodyguards at my back as I head home, I could’ve chased Shane’s car into Muncie.

No. I need them on the mountain. Someone has to spread word about Shane’s deal with Wicked Wolf Walker, and maybe I’m wimping out, but I don’t want to be there when Ryker finds out that his Beta betrayed him.

It’s about the pack, I tell myself. To any Alpha, the pack has to come first. And, sure, I know Ryker’s going to have something to say about me being the reason why Shane turned on him, but I’m way too tired to deal with that right now.

The sun’s coming up as I slink my way up the fire escape. I was careful on my return trip to the apartment. From a distance, the humans might see my blonde wolf and think I’m just a suped-up dog or something. Vampires will know, of course, and without Aleks’s fang to shield me, they’ll think it’s open season on me for daring to stalk through a notable Fang City in my fur.

Better to be cautious, even if it takes longer.

And if I’m hoping that maybe Aleks turned in for the day and I can avoid discussing anything about last night, well… yeah. I totally am.

Claws crossed.

I throw my shoulder into the balcony door. For a moment, I’m a little frantic. The door doesn’t give and all I can think is that Aleks saw that I hadn’t come home last night. Instead of leaving me a way inside in either form, he locked the door and⁠—

The door pops inward on my second shove.

Oh. I just didn’t push hard enough.

Phew.

Tiptoe. Tiptoe.

I navigate the living room, heading toward the hallway. Though my stomach is grumbling, I ignore the kitchen. I want my bed. Well, no. First, I want a quick shower. Then I want my bed.

Tiptoe—

Aleks’s bedroom door opens right before I can sneak past it and hide in mine.

Ugh. So close!

Like the other night, he sees me padding down the hall, but it’s obvious that this is no walk of shame. His curls are tousled, flat on one side; if he hadn’t been sleeping, he was at least laying down. He’s barefoot, but he’s still wearing street clothes. Waiting up for me then?

Probably.

As a vamp, no doubt he can smell the blood on me, too. Most of my wounds have healed, but I didn’t think to find a stream or a puddle to try to wash off the streaks of blood that stain my blonde fur. It’s mostly mine since I was still bleeding when I shifted, and that’s not taking into account all of the mud and shit I’ve got covering my paws.

Good thing I tried to wipe as much of it off as I could before I came inside. Last thing I need right now is to track that all over Aleks’s floor.

Actually. No. The last thing I needed was for Aleks to catch me sneaking in when I was planning on taking the next couple of hours to wash up, get some rest, and make sense of… of everything.

I let out a soft whine. It’s the most I can do while I’m in wolf form, and while I had no problem being naked in front of the Mountainside wolves, it’s not the same with Aleks these days and we both know it.

He nods, like he understands. And, honestly, he probably does.

“I’ll put a kettle on,” he tells me.

Aleks and his tea. With a soft yip, I continue to my room.

Once inside, I shift back to my skin. A quick cursory look reveals that I was right: I’m coated in blood, but apart from a few faded scratches and a nasty bruise on my ass from where I hit the tree hard, I’m okay.

Physically, at least.

Mentally? Emotionally?

Yeah, not quite.

My bare feet slap against the tile as I slip into the bathroom. I know my roommate is waiting for me, but I have to shower. First, though, I brace myself before peering in the mirror hanging over the bathroom sink.

A soft sigh of relief. Though my cheek still feels tight, there isn’t a single mark left on my face. No bruise from where Shane backhanded me, and no claw marks from where he ripped me open like a present.

Aleks can already sense that something’s up. If I walked out there looking like some other wolf’s chew toy, I don’t even want to think about how my overprotective vampire will react.

I take as quick a shower as I can, standing under the spray until my muscles relax and the water stops running pink with the washed-off blood. Then, knowing that Aleks is probably on his second cup of tea by now, I throw on a fresh outfit, toss my wet hair into a ponytail, and hope for the best.

I know that this isn’t going to end well when, as soon as I ease into the kitchen, I see that Aleks is standing next the counter, an untouched mug sitting at his elbow. No steam, which means I took longer than I meant to, and his gorgeous face is pulled into a worried frown.

His pale green eyes light up when he sees me, though his brow furrows.

And then, as if on cue⁠—

“You took off your necklace.”

It feels like a lifetime ago when I asked Audrey to take it for a second so I could see something.

I nod. “Yeah. I did.”

“An accident?” he asks hopefully.

“Not this time, Aleks.”

He exhales. A year after I met my first vamp, and it still startles me when he does that. Mainly because he doesn’t need to breathe so when he makes the obvious gesture, there’s a reason behind it.

I brace myself.

I knew this was coming. Some part of me knew this would be coming from the moment I made the decision to go after Ryker during the full moon. One way or another, I made a choice. It’s time to own it.

“You’re not going to put it back on, are you?”

“Now that I know what it really means?” At his nod, I shake my head. “I can’t. I… you know that, right? It’s your way of claiming me as your mate. I could wear it when I thought you were protecting me⁠—”

“I am protecting you, Gemma. The only way I know how. I can’t fight your battles for you.” Again, Aleks huffs. “Do you know what it does to me, seeing you walk in here wearing blood? Your blood? I want to use my fangs on anyone that would hurt you, but I know that would hurt you more.”

He isn’t wrong. Though vampires don’t have a hierarchy the same way that the packs do—there’s the Cadre and the vamps they rule, that’s it—Aleks has always sensed that, as a shifter, I was only comfortable hiding because it’s what I’ve always known. Not because I was scared. Not because I couldn’t protect myself. But because it was easier.

The more I let out my alpha side, the more I have to admit that Omega Gem is gone and buried. I don’t want a mate who will stand in front of me. I want one who will stand at my side, an equal.

Alpha, Beta, vamp… it never mattered to me what my mate was. Only who.

And, for the last eleven years, I’ve always known it was supposed to be Ryker Wolfson.

Regardless, no matter how much it hurts him to hear it, I have to tell Aleks the truth.

“I can’t wear your fang,” I try again, “because I’ll never be your mate.”

“Why? Because of that wolf?” Aleks pushes away from the counter, his Polish accent growing noticeably thicker as he lets his temper get the better of him. I don’t have to ask what wolf he means. In all the time I’ve known him, Ryker’s the only one who could ever get him that riled up. I used to think it was just another part of his protective side. Now? Now I know better. “I could make you so much happier than he could.”

True. I’m sure he could. I’ve been happy living with Aleks this past year, but only because he’s my friend. Even when he mentioned turning our relationship into something else, something more, I’ve always shut the subject down.

I don’t see him like that. After these last few days with Ryker, I don’t think I ever will.

“Aleks, I’m sorry.”

“You’re the one who told me it’s who you choose that matters.”

That’s also true. After I left Accalia the first time, I told any supe who would listen that fated mates are a crock of shit. What did Fate know? It’s who you pick that counts.

I said that to try to justify Ryker’s choice. A mating had to be accepted on both sides. If I wanted him, but he wanted Trish… well, why shouldn’t his choice count as much as mine?

“I know.”

“So why can’t you choose me?”

“Aleks…” I don’t know how to answer that. My life would be so much easier if I could forget all about pack life and go back to embracing being a lone wolf in Muncie with a powerful vampire mate at my side. “I wish I could.”

“Yeah? Ja też mały wilku.”

Oh, boy. Aleks rarely speaks in his birth language around me since he thinks it’s being rude when he knows I don’t understand it. Except for the last part: mały wilku. I know what that means because Aleks told me once ages ago when I asked him why he always called me that.

Mały wilku.

Little wolf.

Ouch.

I’m outside, my forearms resting against the railing of our balcony, a can of ginger ale dangling from my hand. I take a sip every now and then, hoping it’ll do something to settle my queasy stomach.

It’s been two full days since I went back to Accalia. The last of the mercury has got to be out of my system by now, but I can’t shake the nausea. I kept thinking I was going to hurl when they were carrying me to Ryker’s place, and though my wolf is fully recovered, I still don’t feel right.

Of course, that could have something to do with how rough the last couple of days have been…

Hailey took one look at me when I went down to Charlie’s last night and, though I appear fine, my human friend told me to get my ass back to bed. Maybe humans are more perceptive than I thought, or else she knows me better than I expected, because I didn’t bother arguing with her.

Even if I hated the idea of returning to an empty apartment…

I’ve got work in a couple of hours. I’m not letting Hailey cover for me for another night, and I already texted her so she knows that it’s her turn to have a break. I’ll probably pick up the next couple of shifts to make it fair, but tonight’s a start.

I’m just thinking that maybe I could go in early, show Charlie that I still want this job, when my wolf perks her ears up. She’s been resting ever since I had her running up and down the side of the mountain, and for the first time in days, she’s alert.

A moment later, so am I.

My nose is working better than ever; I can deal with the queasiness so long as my other senses are back. Breathing in deep, I catch that familiar scent—of pine, of musk, of spice—on the breeze a moment before a moving target comes loping toward the backside of my apartment building.

Almost as if he knows where to find me—and when I tug on the bond stretching between us and get an answering tug in return, I have to admit that he does.

I watch his approach, a little bit curious, a little bit apprehensive, and a whole lot of turned on.

Luna, can he run. Even from a distance, I can see his bare arms ripple with his easy speed. And all that delicious tanned skin… unh.

I don’t want to know where he got those black pants from. No shoes, no shirt, so he was definitely walking around Muncie in his fur before he shifted to skin. A tentative sniff confirms that he’s not carrying any other scents, so they’re his. A shifter stash? A spare change of clothes around town? Maybe.

I guess I should be grateful that he’s at least got his bottom half covered even if my eyes are glued to his sweat-slicked chest.

Oh, mama.

Don’t stare, Gem. Don’t⁠—

Holy shit, look at him just about fly up the fire escape. The pitted steel doesn’t tickle against the pads of my paws, and I can only imagine what they’re doing to his bare feet as he takes them two at a time, but yeah.

He’s on some kind of a mission all right.

There’s just enough time for me to relax against the balcony door, as if I haven’t been waiting two days for him to make an appearance.

Me? Worried that Ryker was staying in Accalia?

Nah. Couldn’t be.

Ryker’s head pops up from the hole in the fire escape, squeezing his broad shoulders through the gap as he suddenly takes up way more space than I thought he would. His dark gold eyes brighten when he locks on me, but he doesn’t say anything right away.

Instead, his nostrils flare as he takes in a deep breath. “Where’s the bloodsucker?”

Of course that’s the first thing he asks me. “His name is Aleks, you know.”

Ryker gives me a look.

I ignore it, taking a sip from my can.

For two days, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I would say to Ryker when I saw him again. I didn’t know when I would; considering everything he had to be dealing with as an Alpha, I expected it might take a while until he could come back to Muncie. Before the next full moon, definitely, but I thought I had a little more time than this.

I’m not ready.

I lift up my can. “Thirsty? I’ve got a couple of more cans inside. Just ginger ale, though.”

A dark look flashes across his face. “No Coke for you for a while, huh?”

“Got that right.”

Ryker shakes his head. “Don’t blame you. And I’m good. Thanks for offering, though.”

I shrug, going for careless. “It’s called being a good host.”

“It’s called providing for your mate,” he argues. “But we can put a pin in that for a minute. How are you? You okay?”

“In one piece, so yeah, I’m okay. You?”

That dark look of his turns feral. “Be better if I didn’t have to deal with my Beta trying to claim my mate out from under my nose.”

The ginger ale can crinkles as my grip tightens. “That’s not my fault. None of that was my fault.”

He exhales roughly. “That’s not what I meant. I know it’s not your fault.”

“Damn right it’s not.” I wait a beat. “And I’m not your mate.”

“Yes. You are.”

Welp, I knew this was going to go down eventually. Between what happened the last night we were together in Muncie and the full moon, I knew I was going to have to try to explain myself.

But how?

I want him. I’d only be lying to both of us if I tried to deny it. I want him, and my feelings for Ryker Wolfson might’ve been buried this past year, but there isn’t a grave deep enough for me to try to get rid of them now. I love him—but does that mean I’m willing to tie myself to him for life without knowing how he feels?

I have no doubt that he wants me just as much as I want him. When it comes to sex, we’re a match. But, despite its name, a mating is so much more than the physical act. Shane was cold-blooded in his approach, but he got one thing right: a mating is a partnership.

And I need an equal. If I accept him as my mate because I love him, and he only accepted me because of my rank—if he’s as ruthless and cunning as Shane turned out to be—it really will kill me this time, no vampires necessary.

But he’s watching me closely, waiting for me to say something, so I do. “Okay. You want to do this? I’ve got a couple of hours ‘til work⁠—”

Ryker’s laugh is hollow. “So kind of you to squeeze me in.”

“Do you have to be an asshole?”

“Do I have to be? No. Am I? You know me better than anyone else, Gemma. What do you think?”

Honestly, I think he’s fucking with me. If he honestly believes that I know him better than anyone—and he does, because I don’t scent any deception on him—then I don’t know what that says about either one of us that I kind of, sort of feel the same about him.

Maybe it’s an alpha thing. I don’t know. Most of the time, he just gets me. Like now. Like asking me what I think.

What do I think?

“I think I deserve the truth. Too many people have lied to me⁠—”

“I never lied.”

No. He didn’t. I’m beginning to think my ability to tell when someone’s lying is an alpha thing because, no matter how hard it was to hear, Ryker never lied to me.

But he’s also very good at not telling me the complete truth.

“Alright. Prove it,” I dare him. “When did you decide that you were going to go after me? When I slipped up and everyone realized I was an alpha?”

“I covered that up,” retorts Ryker. “The council guessed, but no one else knew you were an alpha.”

At least that explains how the other packmates treated me when I went looking for Ryker. They guessed, but only Ryker and Shane knew for sure—until I went and used an alpha howl to control Jace, Dorian, Bobby, and… huh. I still don’t know the big guy’s name.

I think about asking Ryker, realize that that can wait, then say, “You didn’t answer my question. When did you decide I had to be your mate?”

“I didn’t answer you because I thought you already knew.” After a moment where I stay quiet, he shrugs. “Same as you. When I fully accepted that you were my fated mate.”

My heart drops.

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