My Hockey Alpha



Nina

The sterile smell of antiseptic solution filled the air. The hospital lights overhead were blinding, casting everything with a whitish glow.

As I lay there on the hospital bed, shivering in that awful, open-back gown with an IV poking out of my arm, I couldn't shake off the sense of dread that had overcome me since the moment I set foot in this place.

Finally, a young doctor walked in. Her white was coat pristine, and there was a clipboard in her hand. She looked like she hadn't slept in days, but her eyes were filled with sincere compassion.

*First and foremost," she began, her eyes flitting up to me from her clipboard. "Mrs. Rivers, the tests came back positive. You're pregnant."

I felt time stop for a beat. "Pregnant?" I blurted out. "But I took pregnancy tests-"

*False negatives are not uncommon," she interrupted, shooting me an empathetic glance.

There was a heavy pause in the room. Pregnant... All at once, I felt angry, sad, baffled, and so, so alone without Enzo by my side. I felt as though my body had lied to me, thrown me for a loop, and taken me on this gut-wrenching journey without my consent.

"But," she continued, "that's not all. More conclusive tests may be necessary, but I suspect that your pain might be from endometriosis. Have you been diagnosed before, or had any issues with your menstrual cycle?"

I furrowed my brow and shook my head. I knew a lot about endometriosis from my classes, but I never thought I had it. But then again, now that I thought of it...

"I guess I knew in a way," I said thoughtfully. "My cycle was bad when I was younger, so I've been on birth control pretty much since I started getting my period. I never thought much of it."

The doctor nodded slowly. "The right birth control can be a life saver-more metaphorically than literally-when it comes to endometriosis. But the pregnancy is exacerbating your symptoms. It's no wonder you're having intense pain and nausea; those symptoms are common in early pregnancy when one has endometriosis."

"So what does this mean?" I asked, feeling my palms begin to sweat from the nerves.

"Well," the doctor said with a sigh, "it could make for a very difficult pregnancy, especially in the first trimester. Your chances of miscarrying will be naturally higher, especially right now due to your extreme symptoms. I'd like you to stay the night here so we can keep an eye on you and keep your fluids up."

Nodding numbly, I watched her walk out, the door clicking softly behind her. And then, I was alone again, trapped in the maze of my thoughts. This was a life-altering curveball, and I had no idea how to even begin processing it.

I wanted to talk to Enzo, to hear his voice, to find solace in his strength, but I also couldn't bear the idea of sharing news like this over a simple phone call.

Besides, it was late, or early, depending on how you looked at it. And as my eyes drifted to the clock, I realized it was nearing 4 AM. The perfect time for world-shattering revelations. The night dragged on endlessly. Each tick of the clock on the wall seemed to echo in the dimly lit hospital room, a constant reminder of the gravity of my situation. Nurses came in and out, administering medication, asking if I was okay-as if 'okay' was a state of being could even comprehend at the moment.

"Good news. We're discharging you," the doctor announced as the rays of moming sun began to filter through the window. "We've managed to manage the pain with medication. You'll need to consult a specialist about the endometriosis and the pregnancy."

She handed over a small bag filled with medication and pamphlets. My wolf growled softly in the back of my mind, her way of saying, "I told you something was off."

"Yeah, you were right," I muttered to myself as I changed back into my sweatpants and hoodie, suddenly feeling surprisingly awake for someone who had slept all of thirty minutes all night.

When I finally stepped outside, the early morning air was refreshingly chilly, a crisp contrast to the stifling atmosphere inside the hospital.

My truck was parked haphazardly in the lot, a visual testament to last night's chaos. In fact, I remembered that I had been so out of it that I barely even recalled parking it at all.

I placed the bag of medication on the passenger seat, the rattling of the pills somehow keeping me grounded amidst the storm of emotions whirling around in my head. As I turned the key in the ignition, I took a deep breath.

But before I could take off, I froze, and found myself slipping my phone out of my pocket, navigating to Enzo's contact page. My finger hovered over the call button as a whole host of conflicting emotions wrestled inside of me. But finally, I pressed it and raised the phone to my ear.

The line rang for what felt like an eternity, only to abruptly cut off and be replaced by Enzo's voice-his recorded voice.C0ntent © 2024 (N/ô)velDrama.Org.

"Hey, it's Enzo. Can't take your call right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you." I felt a prickling at the back of my eyes, an emotional reaction I didn't want but couldn't quell either. His voice, even just a recording of it, gave me the smallest shred of comfort in that overwhelming moment.

"Hey, it's me," I began, my voice trembling despite my attempts to steady it. "I'm..." My voice trailed off for a moment as though my tongue refused to utter what I should have said: the truth. But for some reason, I found myself doing the exact opposite of that. "I'm just calling to...uh, check in. I wanted to see how you're doing. I...I miss you."

A pause. In that silence, the weight of the words I didn't say-couldn't say-loomed over me like a shadow. My heart raced in my chest, causing my breath to hitch in my throat. I ended the call with a simple "Call me later", which was followed by a deafening silence once I hung up.

I took a shuddering breath, my hands gripping the wheel, white-knuckled.

"Why?" I whispered to myself.

Why couldn't I say it? Why did I choke on words that could completely change the outcome not just of our future, but of our present? Was I afraid of how he would react, or was I afraid of confronting the decision that lay before me?

As I sat there, the doctor's words floated back into my consciousness. A difficult pregnancy. Endometriosis. Miscarriage. Pain.

These were all terms and phrases that, until a few hours ago, were just medical jargon to me. Another biology project to get a perfect score on. Somehow, in all of my naivety, I had never thought that I would become the subject of that project.

I felt my wolf stir within me, a swirl of confusion and protective instincts. She was as torn as was, caught in the muddy swamp between joy and dread.

Thoughts flashed through my mind, and I knew she saw them, too: abortion pills. Quick and easy. I'd had friends who had done it before, and it was like a heavy period, something that I could handle. Something that I could handle on my own, quietly, without having to change anything.

But was that truly what I wanted?