Loving You Too Long

“Not yet, but that doesn’t mean I won’t,” Haisley gently rejected. “He has fought for me until now; I think, as a sincere response to his efforts, I can give him a chance. I just have to think about all the goodness he has, and I know that love will come because of familiarity. That has been a common saying we’ve heard for a long time, hasn’t it?

“Even though for some people, love comes after quite a while, I’m sure I can bring that feeling for Dean because he’s not a difficult person to love.”

“But with him, your life will feel bland, flat,” Nathan commented again.

Haisley shrugged. “For someone like me, comfort is paramount. You know I’m not one to speculate. So, Dean has already made me calm with everything.

“I don’t need to worry that he will take impulsive actions like Gilbert. I also don’t need to puzzle over what’s in his head like I do with you. And Dean is also a person who expresses what he feels right away, so I won’t misunderstand because he keeps everything to himself and bursts it out in an explosion.

“Yeah, I think marrying him is better. He’ll also have a stable job, and I believe working as a doctor is more promising than marrying a businessman who has many challenges. Isn’t it?”

“But you still won’t feel comfortable with him. Over time, you will feel bored. Because even though you say you don’t like challenges, I know you have a wild side, Haisley,” Nathan replied, making Haisley involuntarily smile.

Nathan was too caught up in his emotions, despite Haisley not letting go of his neck since earlier. If only his mind wasn’t so consumed with jealousy, he should have known that everything Haisley said was intended to make him jealous. And when he saw the smile on her beautiful face, he finally realized that he had fallen into the trap Haisley set for him.

“I know you still love me,” he said, bowing down and then gently kissing Haisley’s forehead.

“Who said that?” Haisley asked with a playful look.

“I did! I just said it. You deliberately baited me by mentioning Dean just to make me jealous. And you succeeded,” he said, making Haisley laugh at his confession.

“And after you know my feelings, what will you do?” Haisley challenged again.

Nathan fell silent. “Ideally, I want to marry you as soon as possible,” he whispered.

“That’s not impossible,” Haisley replied casually.

“Yes, I know. I could do it right now, especially considering this is Miami. But no,” he refused again. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes with you, and I want to fix everything slowly, one by one. I want to give you a proper wedding. Whether it’s the system or the execution, I want you to get married in the church you want, wear the wedding dress you want, be made up by the MUA you choose. And more than that, I want our wedding to be witnessed by all the guests, by all the friends and relatives you want to invite to be present in it.

“I want everything to be right because I want to prove to everyone that I love you, and you are very precious to me,” Nathan confidently stated, making Haisley’s heart beat fast, and her eyes teary with emotion. She tightened her embrace around Nathan’s neck and hid her face in the crook of his neck.

“But before all that happens, I have to settle my issue with that woman first. And that’s the toughest part,” Nathan said hesitantly. Haisley lifted her head again and looked at him. “I’m not afraid if I have to face the consequences of my past mistakes with Loretta, my ex-fiancée. I’m not afraid anymore, and I’m confident I can face it. But, I’m afraid that in the process, I’ll lose you again, Haisley. I’m afraid you won’t patiently wait for me and eventually fall into the arms of another man.”

“I know that my struggle to win you over is not much. But if you end up marrying another man you love, I can’t do anything except eventually surrender and accept it. And honestly, I don’t want that to happen.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

I know I’m selfish. But I can’t do anything except ask you to be patient and hope that you’re willing to wait for me until all these problems are resolved.

May I make that request?” he asked with a pleading face.

This is not the Nathan she knows, Haisley thought. The Nathan she knows wouldn’t compromise his dignity by making such a request. The Nathan she knows is a person with strong convictions, who, once he has a desire, will do anything to achieve it. But the Nathan now, in front of her, has transformed into someone weak, as if he has no power at all. Is this because he’s afraid of losing her?

And Haisley also seems unrecognizable to herself. The Haisley from the past might have agreed without much thought as long as the request came from Nathan. But the current Haisley? She’s the Haisley who can’t promise anything to Nathan right now. Not because her love for Nathan is no longer there. She still has that feeling, and she doesn’t know how long it will last. But at this moment, her once unshakable confidence has waned.

She used to be sure that she could pursue Nathan’s love, confident that she could conquer him even though she didn’t know what was on his mind. But now, after knowing what’s on Nathan’s mind and what he expects from her, her interest seems to be waning. What is really happening to her? Is her love for Nathan just empty words? Is the feeling she has just an obsession? Has the effort she has put in so far been a kind of empty enthusiasm that, after getting what she wanted, she feels satisfied? Like a child who wants a toy and, after getting it, becomes bored and just stores it in a corner of the room?

Is that what she feels for Nathan? Haisley herself doesn’t know the answer. And she can’t predict what she will do in the future. She doesn’t know what she wants. She doesn’t know if she can wait until all these problems are resolved. She no longer knows what her dreams are. Since deciding to leave England, she has left all her dreams and hopes there, with the intention of not looking back.

And now? As the dreams she left behind come back to haunt her, she is the one confused.

Oh God, what is this? Why is she like this?