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Decision
I also had another question up my sleeve. It just popped into my head when I thought of what my grandmother had said. In her last words…
“My grandmother told me before she died that…I would be happy with you…that you would take care of me…just like when I was young. What did she mean by that?” I asked as I peered up into his clear blue eyes in wonder.
“Do you think people should decide for themselves how they should live their lives?” Hayden asked.
“What is this all of a sudden…?” I questioned in return.
“Just answer me. If it were you, what would you do? Would you want to decide for yourself how you’re going to live your life?” Hayden asked as he looked directly at me.
Was that a trick question, I wondered, because to me the answer was so obvious.
“Of course. I want to decide everything by myself, if possible,” I replied without a second thought.
“What if you get hurt by your own decision?” Hayden asked a follow-up question.
“Umm…I’ll deal with it and live with it, I guess…” I replied as I thought about it.
I wasn’t sure if Hayden was doing this on purpose but these questions that he was asking me was serving as a very good distraction from my grief. By this time, I had stopped crying completely. I stared at his angelic face as he smiled at me. It seemed like he had reached some type of answer of his own, one that I was oblivious about.
“Then choose,” he said.
“Choose what?” I asked, not quite understanding what he was saying.
“Do you want a life with nothing to do with the mafia or everything to do with the mafia? Choose, Malissa,” he said before waiting for me to make my decision.
What is this all of a sudden?
“What…?” I replied blankly.
“It’s exactly like I just asked. Either, you have nothing to do with the mafia or you have everything to do with us. There is no middle path,” Hayden explained.
“What happens if I choose not to have anything to do with the mafia?” I inquired.
“I leave. You won’t see or hear from me again. I will provide you protection until I am sure that no one from the mafia world will approach you ever again. You will live a normal and happy life and I won’t answer any of your questions because it’ll be better for you not to know anything,” Hayden replied calmly.
He’s going to leave? If I choose a normal life, Hayden won’t be a part of it…
“What if I choose the other option?” I asked.
“I’ll answer all your questions. I’ll willingly break a promise that I made a long time ago and you will live as part of the mafia all your life,” Hayden replied smoothly.
There was only one thing that I wanted to make sure of.
“Will I get to be with you?” I asked a little shyly.
“That’s up to you…” Hayden replied as his clear blue eyes held my gaze.
“Up to me? What about you?” I asked, not satisfied with his answer.
“I won’t answer any of your questions until you’ve decided. You don’t have to decide now. It’s a big decision so just take your time,” Hayden said with understanding.
I didn’t know what to say so I just nodded. My mind and heart were constantly at war and I couldn’t come to a decision right away. My mind wanted a normal life away from the mafia. I wanted to live normally under the sun like I had nothing to hide rather than in the underworld. However, that normal life wouldn’t have Hayden in it. I wondered if my heart could survive without him and whether a life without Hayden could be considered a normal and happy life.
I sighed loudly.
“You should keep yourself busy. It’s one of the best ways to deal with grief,” Hayden suggested as he patted my head firmly a few times.
“Is that from personal experience?” I asked.
“Does it matter?” he asked, clearly not willing to answer my question.
“What about heartbreak? What’s the best way to deal with that?” I asked as I took his hand and placed it flat against my beating heart.
“I only break other people’s hearts, so I wouldn’t know…” Hayden replied with a seductive smile before he kissed my forehead and told me to go to sleep.
…
When I woke up late the next morning, Hayden was already gone. On the empty space on the bed next to me was a small piece of paper. Picking it up, I could see that it was a very comprehensive list of medicine that was supposed to help keep me fit and healthy. I laughed a little thinking that it would have been great if this was a prescription for heartbreak.
I laughed a little thinking about the fact that Hayden was actually a doctor. It was funny but I decided to head to the pharmacy to purchase the list of medicine that he had prescribed for me just because I wanted to know what each medication was for.
Just because it was customary, I held a small funeral for my grandmother. To my surprise, the hospital told me that everything had been arranged and paid for. All I had to do was turn up to the funeral and I found out that they were right. Everything was well arranged including flowers and other decorations. I knew that it was Hayden’s doing without needing to ask.
Not many people turned up the funeral because we didn’t have any living relatives. Some of my friends turned up and so did my professors from university. I was glad that the funeral was simple and wrapped up fast. My grandmother was laid to rest among a large bed of white roses, and I was sure that that would make her happy. I cried for the last time for her and promised her that I would live a happy life for myself just like she wanted me to.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.
–To be continued…