From Bully To Beloved

Doing what feels right when it comes to Marie.

Expressing myself through my art. Drawing and creating, no matter what the result is, putting my whole heart into it.

Knowing that Coltonwon’t ever drop me. That he encourages me. Drives me. Getsme. That he’ll hold me in his arms and protect me. That I can argue with him and never have to worry about losing him after a disagreement. That I can for once in my life experience feeling perfectly safe.This text is property of Nô/velD/rama.Org.

Feeling understood.

This. Thisis what my heart wants.

And so, for my sake, for my sanity, this is where it has to end.

I start sleeping on the couch again.

As much as I love sharing a bed with Cal, love waking up in his arms, our time together is almost over, and I need to put space between us. It’ll be easier if I break things off now. If I don’t, I won’t be able to when the time comes. Doing it is just going to get harder, the longer it goes on.

“Why are you sleeping out there?” Coltonasks the first night.

“I think it’s best this way.”

“Sera, don’t.” He shakes his head in protest. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to be this way.”

“Yes, I do.”

He studies me with an unreadable expression and drops the subject.

A strange tension settles between us. It’s not hostile or angry. I almost wish it was, because then I would know how to respond to it. What settles between us is uncertainty. We don’t know where we stand with each other. Does he know he has turned my world upside down? That I’m terrified of what will happen to me if I bite the bullet and follow my heart?

One thing is for sure: I will never be the person he wants me to be. I’m not spontaneous. I just can’t live for the day, or jump headfirst into the abyss without a safety net.

I don’t know where I stand with him.

No, that’s not entirely true. I don’t know where Iwantto stand. I’m a mess of confusion and conflicting emotions.

Our time together is ending. Do I want it to end? It’d be crazy to stay married. Do I want to remain married, or just stay with Cal? Does he want to stay with me?

I haven’t seen much of Coltonover the last few days, and I imagine he’s also taking the opportunity to distance himself. He’s busy preparing for his grand opening.

It’s hard to fall asleep the first night back on that couch. Questions race through my mind over and over until I fall into an uneasy sleep. But after that, it gets easier. It makes me believe that putting space between us is the best option. Exhaustion from work over the next few days also helps me pass out quickly.

SERA

THREE DAYS LEFT

Friday

Marie is in full training mode. I spend most of my day bouncing between her office and the dining room. I never fully realized how much was involved in managing The Diner. There’s a lot more to organize behind the scenes (that is: behind the office door) than I ever imagined. If one of my colleagues got sick or had to take care of a sick child, Marie would ask me, and I’d fill in. Now I have to organize replacements, make sure that food deliveries arrive as scheduled and are sorted as quickly as possible, that the cleaning crew does a good job, that the cash register is correct at the end of the day, and if it’s not, determine why. From serviettes to frying fat and fresh eggs, nothing should be missing, which is why I check the stocks and reorder. I have to ensure food quality and safety, maintain cleanliness, and track reports to monitor the diner’s operating costs. I need to see to compliance with regulations, and of course, plan and keep an eye on marketing and promotion. The list goes on and on and on. I’ve done many of these things many times, but never all in one day. It’s super exhausting, and I’m whirling around like a dervish, knowing I’ll go to bed tired and content tonight.

I suppose it would be different if my heart was fully in it. But as hard as I try to get excited about it, it’s quickly becoming apparent that I’m not.

“I know it’s a lot to take in,” Marie says one day. “But I also know you can do this. I have every bit of faith you’ll do just fine, sweetie. You’re my superstar.”

“I’ll be okay,” I assure her. “It’s a big adjustment. I’m sure after some time I’ll get used to it, no problem.”

“Absolutely. Which is why I want you to take over the managerial duties starting Monday.”

My heart rate spikes. “Monday? Do you mean, thisMonday? I thought you weren’t going anywhere for weeks.”