Forbidden Desire

The way the woman I loved so much looked at me confirmed all my doubts; I could see all her guilt, her regret, and at the same time, I could see so much love deep in her eyes that it always melted me, even though I didn’t want it to. Despite all the hurt I caused her, I could still see the same look of a lovestruck girl that she looked at me with since the first day. A tear rolled down her face, and when Jihoon tried to approach her, taking one of her hands, she pushed him away and came to me. She tried to speak while I saw this scene replaying before my eyes once again; I couldn’t stop seeing the image that was in the newspaper, couldn’t stop imagining them kissing, couldn’t stop imagining him touching her body in a way that I believed only I would. Twice I loved, and both times I was betrayed in the worst possible way; I couldn’t believe this was happening… Not with her… Not with my girl…

“Love…”

Her voice trembled, and my heart ached.

“Do you still have the courage to call him love? That’s shameless.”

“As if you have any idea what that is.”

Their voices irritated me, and no argument between them mattered; the world stood still between me and Jane.

“Speak, Jane… I want to hear it from your mouth…”

She tried to open her mouth, but nothing came out, and her silence screamed all the answers she couldn’t give me. I felt a tear rolling down my face, and when I tried to turn away, Jihoon’s voice made itself present.

“It was all my fault…”

He admitted, taking a deep breath as if he didn’t want to.

“I took advantage of a moment when she was vulnerable and kissed her; it was my fault… But…”

He paused for a few seconds, looking at the ground with sadness before looking back at me with a hurt look.

“But she pushed me away immediately and said she loves you. Even though I knew that from the first day…”

He shrugged and looked up as if trying to control the tears.

“So, I’m sorry… It was all my fault! I kissed her, but she didn’t reciprocate… It was my fault because…”

He looked at her, and his visible emotions were killing me.

“Because I fell in love with her from the first day, even though I knew it would never be reciprocated because she loves you!”

Tears welled up in her eyes, and she looked surprised while I was completely consumed by anger, and before I knew it, I was pushing him.

“And how do you have the nerve to say that to my face? How do you dare say you’re in love and that you kissed my wife?”

A slight smirk appeared on his lips, and I wanted to wipe it off with a punch.

“Because I’m a man, and I take responsibility. Jane did nothing wrong… It was all my fault, so if you’re going to be a jerk, be with me… Not with her!”

“Oh, you expect him to be so dumb as to believe that she was kissed by Venom and didn’t reciprocate?”

She said as if that were the most absurd thing she had ever heard in her life, and he chuckled mockingly.

“Not everyone is as superficial as you, girl… Some people put love above things like beauty and status.”

She rolled her eyes at him, and he reciprocated the gesture. They started arguing, and I wasn’t even listening to what they were saying. I just wanted to hear from Jane’s mouth that all this was a lie, that they hadn’t kissed, and that she was only mine. I heard the argument between Jihoon and Jinhee getting more intense, but none of it mattered to me; I could only see the way Jane looked at me, seeming to love me so much.

“GET OUT!”

Everyone in the room fell silent, and Jinhee jumped a little in surprise.

“GET OUT, both of you! I want to talk to my wife… ALONE!”

Jihoon looked at Jane, seeking with his eyes whether he should leave or not, and she nodded.

“Okay… I’ll leave… But if you need anything, just call me!”

“But this story is very fishy!”

She retorted, and he headed for the door, pulling the younger girl by the arm to get out of there.

“Come on, crazy! Let them talk!”

“Hey, I’m not crazy!”

The door closed behind him, and I went to Jane, standing face to face with her.

“So, Jane? I want to hear it from you. What happened?”

I got closer, and she lowered her gaze, letting some tears roll down.

“Jason, I… I was very upset, feeling lonely, neglected… Like Jinhee would always be your priority…”

“Love, you know that’s not true!”

She looked back at me, and her honey-colored eyes, filled with tears, carried so much hurt that for a second, I was afraid that hurt would be greater than the love I knew she felt for me.

“Isn’t it?”

Her voice trembled, and soon tears were streaming down her face, making me feel guilty.

“Why do I always feel like a substitute? A plan B?”

I shook my head and got closer, taking her face in my hands while wiping her tears.

“Love, I thought I made it clear to you yesterday what happened and that you are the only one I love…”

“I know, but when you come in here like this… Suspecting me…”

“But the photo is here!”

I pointed to the newspaper, which by now was lying on the floor.

“How do you think I felt when I saw this?”

“You should have asked me before jumping to conclusions and coming here shouting.”

She said simply, but I could see how sad she was.

“Okay… You’re right!”

I wiped away some tears that kept falling on her face and hugged her.

“I would never betray you, Jason… Never… I…”

She tried to speak, but her breath caught, and I hugged her tighter.

“I’m crazy about you, Jason! Look at everything I’m putting up with… Look how I’m humbling myself just to be by your side… Just to be your woman?”

Hearing her say all that with a tearful voice destroyed me, and I knew she was being sincere.

“I know… I’m sorry… Sorry, love!”

I took her face in my hands and started kissing her lips, her cheeks, and her whole face.

“Sorry… I… I’m an idiot! It’s just that after everything I went through with Jinhee…”

She got annoyed and took my hands off her.

“For the last time, Jason… I’M NOT Jinhee!”

I had to hear her scream silently because I knew she was right.

“I know…”

“Then don’t suspect me anymore because we already have enough problems… Your ex is pregnant!!!”

She said as if that were the biggest absurdity in the world, and it really was.

“We don’t know yet…”

She shrugged as if she had no hope that this could be a lie.

“Jason… I don’t think even she would be that crazy… She’s already dressed to go to the hospital with you… I would have hope if she refused to go to the doctor or something… But no…”

She shrugged and seemed resigned despite the tears still rolling down her eyes.

“Do you realize how much I have to love you to still be here even with all this?”

I nodded, but she shook her head.

“No… You don’t know… Because if you knew the strength of the love I feel for you… Jason… The love I feel for you is strong enough to weaken me…”

It hurt to hear that knowing it was true.

“Let me just be totally tied to you and accept everything you do… You do a thousand things that hurt me, and I feel like leaving every day!”

Her voice faltered, and I got closer, putting my hands on her waist, and to my surprise, she didn’t push me away.

“But then… You smile, say you love me, kiss me… And I’m still here…”

She shrugged, and I kissed her intensely, hoping our kiss would alleviate what we were feeling.

“Sorry, my love…”

She nodded and put her arms around my neck while caressing my neck, and I rested my head on her shoulder, feeling her sweet and soft scent that always calmed me.

“Okay… Let’s just try not to fight, please… I… I can’t take it anymore…”

I nodded, still holding her, and as I calmed down a little more, I moved away just enough to take her lips back in mine, massaging her tongue with mine in a slow and gentle dance. Her movements were so smooth, slow, and at the same time so sensual that when I realized it, I was already moving my hands down to her butt, making her chuckle weakly.

“Love, you need to take Jinhee to the doctor…”

I threw my head back trying to control myself and smiled when I saw her smiling even if small at me.

“Okay, but when I get back, I’m going to kiss you all over!”

I started kissing her face all over again, and she laughed a little louder now, making me melt.

“Okay! Now go quickly find out!”

I agreed and gave her one more kiss before leaving.

“Okay, love… As soon as I’m done there, I’ll come home to tell you the result whatever it may be… I love you!”Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

As soon as I opened the door, Jinhee almost fell on me as she was leaning against the door listening to the conversation. I looked at her shaking my head in disapproval, and she shrugged trying to justify herself.

“I… I came to call you because we have to go before Dr. Kim finishes his shift.”

I passed by her unconcerned, and she followed me.

“If anything, his son is there…”

I said simply, and she immediately corrected me.

“NO!”

I looked at her, and she seemed worried.

“Why not?”

I said suspiciously, and she seemed to search for an explanation.

“Because… Because… Because Dr. Kim has always taken care of me, he already has all my history… It wouldn’t make sense for me to see another doctor.”

Although I found her attitude strange, it made sense since he had always been the family doctor. Besides, our families were very close, Dr. Kim was my godfather, and my parents were his son’s godparents.

“Okay… Let’s go then!”

We went to the car, and as soon as I got in, I noticed she had a silly smile on her face that confused me.

“What’s up?”

She shrugged.

“Nothing… I just… Missed being by your side…”

She looked at me for a few seconds, and then I looked away.

“Remember that you’re only here for this supposed baby.”

“Don’t talk like that about our child…”

The words “our child” echoed in my head several times as we drove to the hospital, and even though I didn’t want to have any connection with Jinhee, the possibility of being a father was stirring something inside me.