Forbidden Desire

Her eyes were brimming with tears, and she wore a sad expression on her face. I was speechless for a few seconds, and when I regained my composure, I was overcome with anger.

“What is she doing here?” I muttered through clenched teeth, and my mother quickly responded.

“You two need to talk, Jason. It’s time for you to sort things out.”

“There’s nothing to sort out. I don’t want to see this woman, not even if she begged!” I avoided looking at her, afraid of my own reactions, afraid of not being able to control my impulses, and most of all, afraid of falling for her lies again.

“And you’re right, Jason…” Her voice filled the room with sweetness and regret, making my body shiver.

“You didn’t deserve any of what I did to you, and nowadays I see that clearly. You’re a wonderful man, and if I could turn back time, I would do everything differently.”

My heart raced, and tears streamed down my face.

“But you can’t, you can’t turn back time. What’s done is done,” I said, my voice choked with emotion, knowing she was crying without even looking at her.

“I know I can’t undo what I’ve done, but I can do things differently from now on, Jason. I realized how foolish I was and how much I hurt you because of my immaturity. But please, try to put yourself in my shoes for a second. I was forced into marriage.”

“I didn’t force you into anything!”

“But my family did, and for a long time, I blamed you for my unhappiness when in fact, I never allowed myself to be happy with you.”

“I’ll leave you two to talk…”

“No! We have nothing to talk about!” I stood up from the chair and was about to leave the room when her voice stopped me.

“Yes, we do, Jason, because I discovered that I love you…”

My whole body froze at those three words I had always longed to hear. She had never been able to say that to me before, never been able to lie about it. I stared into her teary eyes and could sense her sincerity.

“Please, Jason, just listen to me one last time. And if you really don’t want me anymore, I’ll give you the divorce…”

The word “divorce” made my chest ache because I used to think we would be together forever, and now the thought of us going down that path hurt.

“At least listen to what she has to say…”

My gaze wandered around the room, and I eventually nodded.

“Go talk in the guest room you’re staying in, Jen. You’ll have more privacy there.”

She gave a half-smile, her eyes shining brighter than I had ever seen, and that melted me. She took my hand and led me to one of the guest rooms. The room smelled like her, and I got lost in that aroma for a few seconds before snapping back to reality. She led me to the bed, and we both sat down. I stared at her, using all my strength to resist my urge to throw her onto the bed and be with her again.

“How have you been these days?” she asked.

I shrugged and kept my expression cold.

“Fine…”

Jinhee: “Have you… missed me?”

She hesitated, and when she looked at me, her eyes seemed hopeful. I held my breath for a few seconds as she glanced at my lips and then back into my eyes. I couldn’t think about her question, so I remained silent. She seemed saddened but forced a half-smile to cover it up.

“No, right? Sorry for asking… I just wanted to know if you missed me even a little bit so I wouldn’t feel so foolish for missing you so much…”

Her gentle voice was disarming, and I knew I needed to leave immediately. But when I tried to get up, I felt her soft hand trembling as she gently touched my arm.

“Please, Jason… Just listen to me. You don’t have to say anything. I know hearing an ‘I love you’ from me after everything that happened must have been a shock… But sometimes, to know what’s good, we need to experience the bad. And I realized that night when I left our house…”

[Flashback Jinhee]

I was completely lost. I knew my parents wouldn’t accept me, and I could only think of going to Siwoo’s place… I couldn’t believe everything Jason had told me, and I needed to know if it was true. When I arrived at the man I thought loved me, I knocked on his door several times until I realized he wasn’t there. I didn’t know the door code and sat outside his apartment door all night, surrounded only by my suitcases. I curled up from the cold and the overwhelming loneliness I felt-I had never felt so alone before. The day broke, and I remained there. When I saw Siwoo coming, I felt a glimmer of hope, allowing myself to dream for the first time in my life that I could be happy. But when I saw the disdain on his face upon seeing me, my whole body froze.

“Hi…”

My voice was low, and a lump formed in my throat. How could he look at me with such coldness after everything we had been through?

“What are you doing here, Jinhee?”

My heart shattered at that moment, and I felt like I didn’t know him, like he wasn’t my Siwoo.

“Jason kicked me out…”

He shrugged, as if he didn’t care.

“I didn’t know where to go…”

“And so you decided to come here?”

I nodded, and he unlocked the door. He entered the apartment without even looking back to invite me in or to see if I needed help with my bags, just left the door open and went straight to the kitchen. I stared at the door, wondering if I should enter or not, but who was I kidding? I had no other choice… I picked up my suitcases and entered the apartment, closing the door behind me. He was drinking water and looked exhausted. I didn’t need to ask to know he had been out partying, and I felt like disappearing.

“What’s your plan?”

He came to me, but I could feel the coldness in his words.Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

“Plan?”

“How are you going to win Jason back?”

“I don’t have a plan… He knows everything and doesn’t want to see me even if I begged.”

“So what are we going to do, Jinhee?”

“I don’t know, but now we can be together as we always dreamed, my love. We must have enough money in our joint account by now, and we can start a business, work, and fight for our love.”

I caressed his face, and he immediately moved away with a sarcastic smile on his face.

“What money, Jinhee?”

My whole body shook.

“The money from our joint account, the one Jason gave me for years, and I deposited it there so we could have our freedom someday.”

“There’s no money there, Jinhee. Wake up!”

“How come there’s no money?”

“I had to use it for the recording of my new album… After Jason kicked me out of the record label because of you, I had a lot of expenses and had to use it…”

I was in shock and couldn’t believe he was doing this to me.

“All of it?”

He nodded, his body tense, and he took a deep breath before forcing a smile.

“But, we can get some money from your parents, right?”

I started to cry and couldn’t believe it was for this man that I had fallen in love.

“No! You know my parents made it clear they would disown me if my marriage to Jason didn’t work out.”

“So there’s no other way, kitty. You’ll have to figure out how to win him back. We need his money.”

“No! He doesn’t want me anymore, and I think he’s with Jane now…”

He gave a mocking smile, and for the first time, I knew who he really was.

“The bitch is hot too… Now he really won’t want anything to do with you.”

“Siwoo…”

“Let’s be realistic, Jinhee. He loved you when he couldn’t get anything better, but now with that hottie at home, do you think he’ll be chasing after you? That girl can probably do anything for him, while you’re just full of airs… We need to come up with a new plan because you’ve definitely lost Jason.”

I got angry and pushed him.

“Stop talking nonsense! Jason always loved me and always will, no hick is going to change his feelings for me!”

I shouted those words, realizing that I was indeed jealous of Jason for the past few days. I died of jealousy when I saw him with Scarlet, and that’s why I took so many reckless actions… I really was jealous of him, and I couldn’t stand seeing him with someone else. Siwoo approached with a smile and started to caress my face.

“So? Are you jealous?”

I pushed him away, and he approached again. I slapped him in the face, trying to wipe the smirk off his face, and he pulled me to him, kissing me in a way that left me weak. He started to undress me, and I surrendered to his touch. We had sex in a purely carnal way, without any tenderness, passion, or love; it was purely physical, and looking back, it had always been that way. We were in bed, and he was on top of me, going deeper and deeper, but I could only think of Jason, could only think of how he kissed my whole body as if he were worshipping me, how he always said I was beautiful, and how he lost himself in me. How could I have been so stupid? When Siwoo finished, he always rushed to the shower, and this time was no different. Jason always lay me on his chest, filled me with affection, and always tried to talk to me. I heard the sound of water hitting the floor as Siwoo took a shower, and I curled up in bed as tears overwhelmed me. I lost Jason… I lost the only man who ever loved me; I threw everything away for someone who never cared about me. When he came out of the shower, he lay on the bed and turned to the other side as always. Jason and I always slept cuddled together, and I never imagined I would miss his arms around me, but that was all I wanted now. I got up to take a shower and then lay down, crying myself to sleep while Siwoo slept soundly. In the days that followed, I tried in every way to find out about Jason, looked at his Instagram, saw our old photos he hadn’t deleted yet, and wondered how I could have been so foolish. Meanwhile, Siwoo spent the nights out, reassuring me more and more that he never felt anything for me, until in desperation, I thought of the only person who could help me and decided to knock on her door, which she opened despite everything. I told her the whole truth, and after her anger subsided, she decided to help me only so Jason wouldn’t end up with Jane; I knew she would never allow him to be with a maid and would do anything to separate them. I waited for her to act while I went to bed every day crying, missing sleeping cuddled up with him and wondering if he had lain down with her in our bed. My days had become torture, and when I received a call from my stylist, I couldn’t believe it; he was there with her, buying clothes for her. I went to Mrs. Park, feeling despair taking over me, and started crying as I told her, and she remained coldly silent.

“Calm down! Get ready, put on a nice outfit, perfume yourself, and prepare because I’m going to get Jason for you to talk.”

My heart raced at the thought of seeing him again, and I followed her orders. When she let me know that Jason was already in the living room, I ran down, and when I heard his voice and looked into his eyes, I confirmed what I already knew… I loved him and would do anything to have him by my side again!

End of Flashback

She paused and seemed on the verge of tears. I didn’t know how to handle all this vulnerability, and I felt some tears rolling down my face.

“That night, I went to Siwoo because I had nowhere else to go… And that was the best thing I ever did…”

My heart tightened, and I felt angry.

“Of course, so you could have your honeymoon without me to bother you.”

She shook her head and took my hands in hers.

“No, my love… No! It was because only then did I realize how much I love you and how much I missed you… Stop to think, Jason, I had never tried so hard to separate from you as I did after I saw you with Scarlet… That day, I almost died seeing you with her, and I didn’t know it then, but I already loved you, and everything I did after that was out of revenge… Everything I said and did was just talk… Please, believe me, my love!”

She had never called me that before, and my heart melted every time I heard those words I had longed to hear. She was crying, and looking into her eyes, I realized she was telling the truth for the first time in her life. She leaned closer to me, her hands on my face making my body shiver.

“I miss you so much, my love, I miss how we slept cuddled up, I miss lying on your chest after making love, I miss you so much, my love!”

She brought her lips to mine and kissed me passionately for the first time; her taste invaded my mouth, and I lost all control. Her mouth devoured mine with a hunger I had never felt from her, and when I realized it, I was already returning that kiss. She sat on my lap with one leg on each side of my body, straddling me, and when she writhed in my lap, I went crazy. I grabbed her buttocks, squeezing them, and she moaned in my ear like she had never done before. She started kissing my neck, and I was already pulsating with desire. She wriggled in my lap, and I could feel how excited she was by her moans.

“Come on, Jason… I know you’re only satisfied with me, there’s no Scarlet or Jane who can satisfy you like I can…”