Dirty Seduction

That I wanted him. I wanted to be the girl in those photos. I wanted to use the things in his drawer.

I heard the tap come on in the kitchen and cursed under my breath. I wished I was more confident. Maybe then, I could stride in there and grab hold of him and show him I was a woman, not just a virgin in glasses.

I got ready as quickly as I could in the bedroom. All I needed was a taste of it. Just one little teaser that things could spark between me and Julian, on whatever level he’d let them.

Luckily, I had a lip gloss stashed in the bottom of my bag. I put it on, making sure my hair was still a loose tumble in the wardrobe mirror. Sexy.

Ok, cool.

I crammed everything back into my bag, ready to leave, and made sure the bed was made up perfectly.

Julian was waiting for me in the hallway. I almost started when I saw him there, standing tall.

“Please, don’t take this as a rejection,” he said, sounding final. “That truly isn’t the case. This is an untenable situation. I have sides to me that you just don’t know. Sides you wouldn’t want to know. You’re a beautiful young girl with a world to explore, and I’ll be here to help you on many levels. We can be friends, don’t worry.”

That word was enough to stab. So cliched.

Friends.

We can be friends.

The phrase fired me up. I didn’t want to be friends with him. I wanted to be the dirty girl in the photos, and I could take it if only he’d let me.

I dropped my backpack on the floor, somehow managing to find the strength of confession.

“I have sides to me, too,” I said, then launched into a stream. “I looked in your wardrobe drawer, Julian. I shouldn’t have done it, but I was curious when I was taking one of your shirts out. I saw the pictures, and I saw the toys. I do know those sides of you, and it doesn’t make me want it any less. It makes me want it more. I’m not as innocent as I look. I’m not a baby who doesn’t know what sex, smut, and kink is. I love that stuff. I listen to dirty romance audio and read filthy ebooks all the time, whenever I can, and I know I can do it. I can be dirty, too. That’s what I want. I want to be dirty.”

My monologue came to an end, and his eyes were hard on mine.

“You’re innocent. Much more innocent than you realize. Treasure it. It’s a beautiful thing.”

“I’m not!” I said. “I promise you, I’m not!”

I wasn’t expecting the move he made. He was like a snake striking fast as he stepped up close and backed me up against the wall. My eyes must have been like saucers behind my glasses as I felt the heat from him. I gasped as he put a finger under my chin and tipped my face up, my whole body was thrumming with nerves.

I’d always imagined this kind of situation would lead to a kiss, but Julian didn’t kiss me. There was a deep, burning edge to his stare. This sure wasn’t hearts and flowers, it was far closer to one of my filthy stories, and it was ten times more intense than I’d imagined. It was enough to knock me sideways.

I was shaking as I stood there before him, my knees feeling so weak they could buckle.

“As I told you, you are innocent,” he said, his voice low. “Far too innocent.”

I couldn’t counter it. The heat from him burnt too much for me to say a word.

“Innocent,” he repeated, and I was still locked in his stare.

I whimpered as he pushed his thumb inside my mouth without so much as a hint of a warning. My hands made to move up on instinct, but they dithered as his thumb played with my tongue. His eyes were boring into mine as he explored my mouth. His thumb was probing, rough… dirty, and I felt self-consciousness fluttering as he pulled out and ran his wet thumb across my lips.

I was unsure what the hell to do. I felt the opposite of some kind of sex goddess. I was a world away from smirking sexily and pulling him close for more.

He read me. His smile said it all.

“Time for you to get to work,” he said and stepped away, the moment gone.

I couldn’t argue. I daren’t. I was a bundle of nerves as I picked up my bag from the floor.

“Ok,” I said. “I’ll… see you later. If that’s ok.”

“Of course,” he said. “That’s more than ok. We still have your situation to resolve. You’ll be very safe here.”

Very safe.

I’d blown it. I felt like a gawky idiot as I dashed out of there. I knew he’d be watching me from the window as I walked away from the block. I was in plenty of time for work, but marched on a mission, trying to get out of view.

I’d fucked up.Property of Nô)(velDr(a)ma.Org.

I’d blown my chances.

I’d acted like the innocent little girl he’d expected me to be. I was so fucked off with myself, I could scream.

I thought I’d resigned myself to the obvious by the time I began my shift. Me and Julian were heading nowhere. That might have been true if it wasn’t a busy Sunday evening and I wasn’t in and out of the kitchen, helping the front-of-house staff.

It was getting towards closing time when I saw Sarah Brown and Lucinda Morris arrive at the counter with Mark and Evan Reynolds in tow. The girls were so confident, flirting, and giggling. Moving against the guys so naturally as they reached out for them. It was obvious those two knew what they were doing, yeah, but they were no older than me. I think Lucinda was younger, but it wasn’t holding her back.

Why should it hold me back? Why should goofing up once set the scene between me and Julian forever? I could be the terve I’d been, no, but I could repair the damage of wide eyes and unsteady legs. I could at least try. I had to.

I was still pumped as I grabbed my coat at the end of my shift and set off back to Crenham. I stopped on the corner before our block came into view, opening my backpack to shove my cap in there. Then I pulled my hair loose, trying my best to fluff it up before I became visible. I somehow knew that Julian would be watching out of his window with a cigarette in his mouth.

Time to go. I stepped into view and headed for the gate, not once looking up to see if he was there. I didn’t care all that much about checking the corridors were empty as I made my way upstairs. I dashed past my apartment door and practically leaped up the next flight, determined. I rapped my knuckles against the door of apartment six, holding onto my nerves as tightly as I possibly could the image of Lucinda and Sarah still in my mind.

Confidence.

Julian smiled naturally when he opened the door. His dark gaze was all gone, and he was perfectly composed as he welcomed me in, but I couldn’t just go along with it.

“Good day?” he said.

I didn’t answer his question.

It was my turn to make the move this time.

I threw my backpack to the floor as soon as he’d closed the door, and pushed him up against the wall in the hallway, just like he had me. I stared up at him with utter authenticity, true to the sensations I was feeling inside.

“Rosie” he began, but I didn’t give him the chance to finish.

I grabbed his hand from his side and raised it to my mouth, and then with my eyes still fixed on his I sucked on his thumb like the dirty little bitch I wanted to be.