Diary of Fragile Heart (Spin of Loving You Too Long)

“What happened?” Abigail sat Flavia down on the bed. The girl still looked shocked. Her body was still trembling, and her sobbing continued. Her face was wet, tears streaming down.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“I-I just had a dream,” she answered between sobs.

“A dream?” Abigail furrowed her brow. “You sleepwalked?” she asked in surprise. Flavia smiled faintly and nodded.

“It seems I fell asleep in the kitchen earlier. I dreamt Uncle came. In my dream, he said he loved me.” The tears that had momentarily stopped now rolled down again.

Flavia covered her face again with both hands, crying softly. Now it was Abigail’s turn to comfort her by embracing her petite frame.

Abigail leaned Flavia’s head against her chest, gently stroking her friend’s arms. She rested her chin on the top of Flavia’s head.

“That wasn’t a dream,” Abigail said softly. “You weren’t dreaming, Via. It was all Uncle’s words.” She spoke with confidence, even though Abigail wasn’t there to hear it. Flavia shook her head vigorously in the embrace of Abigail’s arms. “Trust me, Via. It was really real, not a dream.”

“But why? Why did Uncle have to say such things? Why now? Why did he have to do it when I can’t give him anything? When I’m not sure if I still deserve his love?” She asked with a soft and sad voice.

“Via…” The voice made Flavia straighten her back.

“Uncle…” Flavia quickly wiped away the remaining tears and looked at her uncle. “What is Uncle doing here?” She asked in surprise. Gladwin placed Flavia’s glass and plate on the nightstand next to her bed.

“You need to eat,” he instructed softly. Flavia stared at the plate without appetite.

“Yes, Uncle. I’ll eat later,” she replied softly. However, she reached for the sweet tea and drank it until only half remained.

Abigail shifted her position, making room for Gladwin to sit with them on the bed. Instead of sitting on the bed, Gladwin chose to kneel on the thick carpet next to Flavia’s bed. His large hands tried to reach for Flavia’s hands.

“Via… I know I was wrong. I apologize for my words five years ago. I never intended to reject you in any way.

“I was wrong to use education as an excuse to avoid you. But I did all that not because I didn’t like you. It was because I restrained myself and sorted out my feelings. I wanted to ensure my true feelings for you.

“What I said on Ignazio’s birthday when Abigail asked about how it feels if someone my age dates a teenager like you, it’s not entirely true but also not entirely false. I just wanted you to enjoy your teenage years like any other teenager. Socialize and experience love stories as it should be.

“I was too cowardly then, rejecting my feelings just for pride and fear of other people’s assumptions. Even though our relationship is not tied by blood, you are still my niece and the same age as Abigail.

“I don’t want to be accused of being a pedophile. I don’t want people to say bad things about the relationship between uncle and nephew. But more than that, I want to ensure that our feelings are truly feelings of mutual love.

“I want you to be sure that your feelings for me are truly love, not just admiration from a nephew towards his uncle. And I also want to convince myself that the feeling I have for you is the love of a man for a woman, not just the love of an uncle for a nephew.”

Flavia looked at Gladwin closely. She tried to see the sincerity in Gladwin’s eyes and absorb every sentence the man said. Abigail was only a silent witness between them, letting her uncle express all his thoughts and allowing her best friend to digest everything her uncle said and try to understand even though Abigail could already guess what answer would come out of her friend’s mouth later.

“Five years was a hard time for me to live alone. Because it turns out I miss you all the time. Not the kind of longing I have for Abigail. I never miss her at all.” He said jokingly at the end of the sentence, making Abigail poke Gladwin’s shoulder. Flavia smiled. “I miss you. It feels like a dry throat that misses water. But I never see you. Not via video call, not even during your family’s visit to my place. And you’re also never there every time I come home.” The answer was sad.

“At that time, I was still too proud to ask where you were. I never tried hard to meet you because I feared my intention to return to Germany would falter. And I was also afraid I wouldn’t give you enough time to enjoy your youth.

“Meanwhile, one of the reasons I avoided you was so that you could organize your feelings. Even though, at that time, I was sure that the feelings I had for you were feelings of love from a man towards a woman. But after I came back, it turned out that I still couldn’t express my feelings.”

“Why? Because Uncle is still holding on to the idea that your relationship is not worth it?” This time, Abigail spoke. Gladwin didn’t take his attention away from Flavia when he answered his nephew’s question.

“Because of Eijaz.” He said softly.

“Eijaz?” Flavia frowned in confusion.

“I heard you talking very sweetly to him the first day I returned.” Gladwin lowered his head, looking at their two clasped hands. “To be honest, I was jealous at that time. I thought that you had gotten your true heart’s desire.

“Then, when I found out about your arranged marriage, I thought the relationship was forced. Initially, I even wanted to go to Antony and ask him to cancel the engagement. But seeing the interaction between you and Eijaz, I felt defeated. You seemed comfortable with him.”

“If Uncle feels that Flavia is comfortable with Eijaz, why is Uncle doing all this now? Does Uncle intend to shake his feelings for Eijaz?” Once again, Abigail asked on behalf of Flavia. Gladwin squeezed Flavia’s fingers harder, seeking the girl’s attention.

“Because I’m tired of facing all these feelings alone. I’m tired of holding everything back. I want you to know all the feelings I’ve been hiding. I want you to know that all this time, I have also loved you. Very, very much. I just hope that it’s not too late for all of this.

“I just hope you’re still willing to give me a chance. That you still accept me and still have love for me.”

“What if Flavia refuses?” Abigail raised her eyebrows.

“I will fight until Flavia makes a choice,” he replied, still staring sharply at Flavia. He wanted Flavia to be sure that his feelings were sincere. His gaze changed, showing a hint of disappointment when he saw Flavia shaking her head slowly. The girl even released Gladwin’s hand from her grip. Abigail was sure her friend would say no.

“Sorry, Uncle. But Uncle is right; I am with Eijaz now. And Uncle is also right. My feelings for Uncle are just admiration from a niece to her uncle,” she said with a bitter tone.

“Via!” Abigail looked at her friend with irritation. In contrast, Gladwin smiled.

“I knew you would say something like that. But I won’t give up just because of the words you just uttered. Didn’t I say I wouldn’t give up until you made a choice? The choice I want you to make is not about me or Eijaz. But I want you to choose who will stand beside you at the wedding.” Gladwin replied confidently.

Flavia was surprised, but Abigail looked at her uncle with an admiring smile. “I will only give up after you decide to get married. But until that happens, you don’t belong to anyone,” she asserted firmly.

“Uncle…?”

“Abigail will be a witness that I won’t give up easily.” Gladwin looked at his niece, and Abigail nodded in support. “All this time, unknowingly, you have disrupted my life. And now it’s my turn to do that to you. Even if that feeling has disappeared in your heart, I will make it surface again.

“I will make you fall in love with me again. Until you finally surrender and are willing to accept me.”