Chapter Forty-three: COME WITH ME, LET’S HEAL!
“I can’t let you go like this Clara.”
“What do you mean?” My heart leaped as I asked.
“I mean, I would grant you your freedom but I can’t let you go like this, not in your present condition.”
“But I am healing fast. The nurse said that I would be discharged in a couple of days. And from here, I can just go straight out.”
“No, I mean yes you are healing fast and it gives me great joy that you are but you aren’t leaving from here.”
“I thought as much, Ryan.”
“Listen, after you are discharged you would be put under total bedrest for thirty days until you are perfectly fine, that’s when I would let you go.”
“Thirty days?”
“Well, forty days then.”
“No, no thirty days is fine and after this I am done.”
“Yes, after thirty days, then you would be free to go,” he said, his voice unusually lower than when we first started our conversation.
I was happy that he had said this. The thought of getting to be free, getting to go outside of the walls not to work under the commandment of anyone, to have good clothes and food like every normal person would and the best of all, to see my parents again. I hoped that they were still alive and out there waiting to be found.
I knew that whatever Ryan and I might have shared was just a mirage, something at a distant path that I could only see but never lay my hands on. It was painful to watch what you want drift off your grip, so I’d rather stop looking and focus on something that I could actually reach out to.
“I need to go now Clara, I hope to see you stronger and happier when I return.”
His words were as though he didn’t mean them, perhaps if I were stronger and happier then it meant that I didn’t have to be in his space again and then he wouldn’t have any control over me like he would have. I didn’t know, I only thought so.
“Yeah, thanks,” I replied watching as he turned his back leaving the room. His back hung in dissatisfaction and disappointment just like his hopes and his supposed ego. Could he be telling me the truth? It was hard to know this nor believe his words not after what I had seen and witnessed in the hands of the men I thought I had loved.
Perfect scenario of history repeating itself.
My lips fell apart so words could fall but nothing came forth not for the few seconds that I had left to call him back. As much as I wanted to say something, I had the slightest idea of what I wanted to say. I didn’t know if an apology would suffice but what would I be apologizing for?
For once in my life, I had been granted what I asked for. Even with the underlying condition it still felt like victory. My mind went blank and my throat too dry to push out my voice and so there were no word.
I watched him walk through the door, he didn’t turn back to look at me as he always did; flashing me a gorgeous smile that matched his eyes with some sort of assurance that would sprout through them. He didn’t want me to see them this time, perhaps I had struck a nerve that could cause them to lose their sparks. I wish I had not.
But there was no other way. I put myself first this time, something that my life as a slave had taught me.
Grace walked in as soon as he was gone, her face had a mixed reaction, an unsettling look that accept an expression from what I was willing to give. Luckily for her, a smile escaped my lips and so she smiled too.
“Someone is finally smiling. I guess you had that talk.”
“Oh, it depends on the talk you mean.”
“Whatever it is, you are happy that’s what matters.”
“Yeah, I know right?”
“Time for your evening medication and dressing. I hope you’ve had your mind set for this.”
“Of course, I have been thinking of it all afternoon,” I said as she helped me seat up. Most of the pains I felt all over my body had somehow disappeared and the one which was left was subdued. Having to hear Ryan agree to my terms really caused a shift in a lot of things around me and I was happy about that. So happy that it somewhat cured my wounds. I hummed a tune that popped in my mind as I stretch for the book that laid on the drawer just beside the bed.
“Relax Clara, let me help you get it,” she said as she left the tray containing my medications and turned for the book.
“No Grace, you have done enough for me, let me do this one.”
“Done enough?” She chuckled, “I have only done my job and helping you bring a book won’t cause me any harm. I am always ready to help.”
“I see that you have a good heart Grace, does it come with the profession?”
“Well…” she exhaled with her hands still busy with what was on the tray, “So many things comes with being a nurse, the way you approach a patient and talk to them, it even goes as far as affecting the way you look at them but I don’t think a profession can make you change who you truly are. It can only shape you for a bit and that’s all but after that, when no one is there to monitor your work ethics, what next?”
“I guess you are left to portray whatever behaviour you have buried in there.”
“That’s right,” she said with a grin staring at me.
“What?”
“Ryan’s visit really took a turn on you. Still wondering what he had said to put you in this mood.”
“Well, like you said, I am recovering fast that’s a really great news.”
“And….” she grinned I knew just what she wanted.
“You can just ask what you want and maybe I could be kind enough to tell you a tiny bit of what we discussed,” I responded with a smirk.
“Oh God, please tell me. How did it go?”
“At first it was a clogged up in my head. But you told me to talk and not let everything in my head just bring hatred and so I heeded to that advice. We had a conversation as you know and I finally got to say what I wanted. It wasn’t an easy piece to say but believe me it was worth it.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“I’m sorry if I am being a bit sketchy about everything I just said to you.”
“It’s okay, this is what I wanted to hear. It gives me so much joy that I got to play a part in what gives you this much happiness.”
“Thanks Grace,” I said.
She said nothing and returned to arranging my medication.
“I would be discharged in a few days right?”
“Certainly,” she smiled.
“Ryan wants me to be on bedrest for the next thirty days.”
“Oh, I don’t know if you would like to hear me say this but I think he is right on this one. It would help you a lot.”Nôvel(D)rama.Org's content.
“Thirty days? I thought that it was an exaggerating number of days.”
“It’s just fine. Trust me. A nurse would be assigned to you , to watch over you from time to time until you know, you are completely okay.”
“Oh well, it would be great to still have you around.”
“Yeah, I know,” she said looking away.
“You don’t seem to be happy about it.”
“Of course I am, it’s just that… today is my last day here.”
“What? Why? Have you been fired? Oh God, I hope it’s not me.”
“No not at all, it’s the opposite in fact. Yesterday, I got a mail that I have been transferred to Menna,” she paused staring at me.
“Menna? That’s like on the other side of the world.”
“Yeah, I know that. The offer was juicy and right now I would really do with the extra cash.”
“Oh congratulations then.” I managed to say before my voice got sucked in. She had been the only one I could truly converse with in the last few months. She had kind eyes and a real smile. I really hoped of seeing her outside the walls of the hospital when I get discharged perhaps we would be good friends. But now it would only remain an imagination the way it was created and gradually becomes a memory that would fade away along with the pain.
What was this I was feeling? Grief?