Clueless Love

The following week—which is vacation week—is spent in the best way possible. Aunt Maria kept true to her word and showed us a few wonders of Iceland. We visited the Iceland ice caves. The caves are unique and memorable to visit, the amazing forms and shapes of the ice have a magnificent beauty to it. We visited the Golden circle with places like Gullfoss falls. It is one of the most massive waterfalls I have ever seen, tumbling between two rugged rock faces, releasing a magnificent mass of water. The Silfra, which is an underwater crack in the continental divide, that separates Eurasia and American continental plates. The water is also one of the clearest waters in the world. There are still a lot of places to visit, like viewing the northern lights and many others. But today we are going hiking in the mountains. We are climbing Mt. Esja, it is really a sight to see. It is dominating the Reykjavík City skyline and providing a stunning backdrop to the capital city. We are close to the peak and I am taking a picture of the mountains when something terrifying happens. I was not looking at where I was going so I did not see the rock in front of me, which makes me stumble backwards causing me to fall and start rolling down a cliff. I hear a loud piercing scream that I did not know was coming from me, until it causes everyone to turn and watch me fall to my death.

I am rolling off the cliff when I see a tree branch. I hold on to it for dear life. La ilaha illa-llah, Muhammadur-rasulu-llah (I declare that there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah, and I declare that Muhammad is the messenger of Allah). Ya Allah, I know we must all die, but I do not wish to die in such a painful way, Oh Allah, please save me.

“Umit, Umit, are you alright?” Ismail asks worriedly as his face comes into view. I can tell he is lying down to get this close to me.

“Ismail, please save me. I don’t want to die like this,” I cry, praying Ismail has a way of pulling me back up quickly because the tree branch won’t hold me for long. It is starting to break. I am sure my weight is pulling it down.

“Umit, just hang on. We will pull you up soon,” Ismail says and is about to stand up, but I stop him.

“Where are you going? You can’t leave me here. Please don’t leave me here,” I am scared I might fall any minute.

“Umit, I have to get the rope so we can pull you up,” Ismail says trying to stand up again.

“No, No, No, don’t leav… Ahhhhh” I start screaming when the tree branch breaks. If not for Ismail grabbing me, I would have fallen and would have been dead in seconds.

“Ismail, you see why you can’t leave me. Please don’t leave me,” I beg, so scared I start to hyperventilate.

“Umit, I need you to calm down so we can pull you up. Can you take in a few deep breaths in and out for me?” Ismail is trying his best to sound calm while holding on to me, but I can see he is struggling to hold my weight in his hand.

“Yes, I can,” I say, taking deep breaths in and out. But it’s not working because the longer I hang here, the more scared I get.

“Umit, do you trust me.”

“Yes-ss—I-I do,” I say breathing so hard it’s hard to form words.

“I need you to release my hand and fall to the ground.”

“You-uuu w-want me t-to fal-l to my death?” I ask wide-eyed while trying to calm my breathing so I can speak better. I finally look down, which puts more fear into me.

“No, there is a ledge that is not too far from where we are, just look to your right,” Ismail says trying his best with his hold on my hand because I can feel my hands slipping from his.

“Yes, I see it,” I say looking to my right, and I notice there is ground not too far from me, but there is still a chance I might fall the other way and die.

“We are going to count to three, and you are going to jump down.”

“Alright,” I pant while trying to calm myself down.

“ONE, TWO, THREE,” Ismail says releasing my hand, while I jump down saying Bismi Allah (In the name of Allah) closing my eyes praying I don’t fall the other way.

After what feels like an eternity but probably was just seconds, I feel ground under my feet. I open my eyes and see I landed safely, Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah). I don’t know what Ismail’s plan is because I am still not up and safe. This ground I am standing on might not hold me for too long. Because of the intensity of the way I jumped down, the ground I am standing on starts to crack and fall leaving a little area for me to stand on. Oh, Allah please save me, please save me, Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Malik please save me. I don’t even know when I start reciting the 99 names of Allah. I use it to calm me down because I don’t even want to think about what will happen to me if I fall. I am reciting the 99 Names of Allah for the second time when Ismail comes back.

“Umit, are you alright? I need you to grab on to this,” Ismail says throwing a rope down.

“I’m fine, I’ve got it,” I say after catching the rope with some difficulty while trying to tell myself everything is going to be fine. In Shaa Allah

“Tie it around your waist, very tight,” Ismail says holding on to the rope.

“Done,” I say after tying the rope around me.

“Now, hang on,” Ismail says and starts pulling me up slowly.

Oh, Allah please let me get up safely. After a good 2 minutes, they pull me up safely. As soon as I reach the path, I don’t say anything but make a sujood (prostration) to Allah while saying ALLAHU AKBAR three times before allowing Fatima to pull me into a tight hug.

“I was so scared I was going to lose you,” Fatima cries.

“I was so scared that I was going to die,” I reply letting the tears I was holding flow.

“Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah) you are safe,” Udar says, sounding exhausted and relieved. I am sure pulling me up must have made him tired.

“Yeah, Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah),” Ismail says sounding very relieved but also still sounding troubled.

“Let’s go home. I think that’s enough hiking for us today,” Fatima says and starts walking back down the trail we came from.

“Yeah, let’s go,” I say, following her.

Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah) three days has gone by since the whole cliff incident. I sustained a few bruises, but they are fading and healing fast. However, not everything is fine. Ismail has become a different person since that day. He has not said more than three words to me, which is killing me. He answers me when I ask something, but he does not make conversation with me anymore. I don’t know if I did something wrong or maybe… I don’t know! I can’t think of anything that would have caused this change. That’s why today I plan on confronting him to get to the bottom of this. I look around the house for him before I find him sitting outside by the pool with his nose buried in a book. I walk over to him, praying he does not hear me coming and run away like he has been doing for the past three days.

“Ismail, please may I have a word with you.”

“Umit, you can see I am busy. Can it wait until later?” Ismail replies with hostility in his voice.

Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah) what did I do to Ismail that made him speak to me in such a tone. Whatever it is, I will find out now.

“I don’t care if you are busy. You are going to talk to me whether you like it or not,” I say angrily taking the book from his hand. I close it and bang it on the table.

“Fine, what do you want to talk about?” he asks, sounding angry.

“I want to ask you why you are ignoring me. Did I do something wrong?” I ask, my voice softening because I am feeling sad that the man I like is treating me like this. Not talking to me, being hostile towards me. It’s making my heart ache.

“No, Umit, you did not do anything wrong.”

“Then what is wrong.”

“Nothing”

“What nothing? I know there is something, just tell me!” I say raising my voice, starting to get angry. If he won’t tell me what is wrong how can we fix it.

“I said nothing is the problem,” Ismail says raising his voice, sounding both angry and frustrated.

“So, you are telling me you woke up one morning and told yourself, I don’t want to talk to Umit anymore? I’m going to be hostile toward her from here on?” I demand standing in front of him like a soldier ready to fight while crossing my arms. If anyone back home in Nigeria sees me, they will think I am a mother hen fighting for her children. I don’t even know why I am getting angry, but maybe it’s because I don’t like being treated this way.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

“Yes, you are right,” Ismail says, shocking me to the core. I can’t believe he admitted it to my face. I feel like I received a punch to my heart. Is this what it feels like to get hurt by the one you have feelings for?

“Why? Why? Why?” I ask confused and not understanding why he is acting like this.

“Because I want to and I think it’s best we stop talking to each other,” he says in a flat tone like everything between us does not matter to him.

“What are you saying?” I ask, feeling my eyes starting to tear up from all the hurtful words he is saying.

“Because…” Ismail says taking his time to speak.

“Because of what!” I shout, shocking both of us.

“You want to know why? I will tell you why, Umit. The reason I am behaving differently toward you is that I realised that although I was able to save your life that day at the cliff, it was because of me that you were in danger. But what if next time I won’t be able to save you, then what? You mean too much to me for me to risk that. I can’t put your life in danger. So, I decided to keep my distance to keep you safe.” Ismail says, sounding sad.

What does he mean by he cares too much to put my life in danger? What danger is he talking about? Oh my God, he just admitted he cares about me.

“Ismail, what are you talking about? What happened at the cliff was not your fault. And what do you mean by, I mean a lot to you?” I say voicing out my thoughts wanting to know what he is talking about.

“Umit, I know what happened at the cliff is not my fault, but that does not mean I can’t put your life in danger. And about meaning a lot to me, I mean…” Ismail says but does not finish his statement because Fatima starts shouting my name from inside. She sounds very worried. I wonder what is wrong.

“Umit, Umit, Umit,” Fatima yells coming outside looking like she is on the verge of tears.

“Fatima, what is wrong?” I ask worried by the way she looks and sounds.

“Ab-ba-ae-…” Fatima says trying to speak but finds it hard because she is panicking and breathing very hard.

“Abeela was kidnapped,” Udar says out of nowhere. I hadn’t even noticed him. My eyes go wide once the information settles in my brain.

“What!” I say blinking my eyes so much they start to blur. I hold onto the table as I start feeling dizzy. “What is going on?”